Become The Joker (read in a shitty Christian Bale Batman voice)

Ok, nothing before this has really made me want to own a PS3. This might be the deal breaker that makes me get one. Batman: Arkham Asylum, become The Joker...

New GI Joe Clip

Hmmm. So evidently here's why the Eiffel Tower is melting in one of the GI Joe trailers. Man, I want to be excited by this movie, but it's kind of looking a little more Terminator Salvation and less Star Trek all the time. I haven't seen it yet, obviously, but those suits that let them jump around and shit... Really? Anyway, here's a pretty pointless video to give you your GI Joe fix for the weekend.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

New Halloween 2 Clip

Dimesion Films has posted a new clip of Halloween 2 by Rob Zombie. You're gonna see some interviews with Rob Zombie and the crews, and some unseen footage from the film. So sit back and watch Michael Myers crazy ass fuck some shit up.

Alien Jumping on the Remake Train

A while back, I was talking about Rober Rodriguez's Troublemaker Studios starting to work on a reboot of Predator. They got Alex Litvak to work on the script for the movie they're calling Predators. Sounds cool.

Well, looks like as long as Predator is getting the rework, why not Alien. Unlike a reboot, this draft of the film is currently one alien on one ship. They're looking for a Ripley, but I haven't heard if there will be a murderous cyborg or not.

Michael Costigan, Ridley Scott and Tony Scott are on board as this remakes producers, and they've tapped Carl Rinsch of commercial and music video directing "fame", to be there director. If you're asking "Who the fuck is that", you're not alone.

So, who knows on this one. It's still in the scripting stages from what I hear, so it'll be awhile. Keep you're eyes out, I'm sure sooner than later whatever your favorite film as a child was will be watered down and reworked for today. Hell, there's talk that they're gonna do it to Flight of the Navigator. Nothing is sacred.

New Final Destination Poster

Here's your poster for Final Destination 4 3D. Originally the studio had the film going up against Rob Zombies Halloween 2, but you can see that the poster just says August. Probably a good plan.

This time around in the Final Destination franchise David Ellis (director) tells the story of a group of fate fucked kids who escape death by NASCAR when he has the patented premonition. So of course since they survived, death comes ripping.

I've actually been reading about how the 3D effects in this film and that they kick ass. From what I here they actually add to the film rather than take you out of it. Cool. Can't wait for this one. Yea, it's more of the same, but damn if these movies don't raise the bar on some creative, Rube Goldberg deaths.

Episode 9

Finally! The 9th episode of The Nothing Files is live on iTunes!

We make fun of Jon, and talk about Repo! The Genetic Opera. Now I'm not gonna lie to you. I got a little hammered this time around and there's a chance that longtime quiet-in-the-corner Mikey might end up joining your heros. Also for some reason I keep singing randomly. That will be the last time that happens. The end of the episode gets weird. Don't listen to that part.

This represents the end of a chapter in The Nothing Files, but you'll have to tune into the next episode to know what I mean by that. Don't worry, we're not going anywhere.

So, go to iTunes and if you haven't already subscribed, do it damn it. Then sit back and let our awesomeness wash over you. Don't worry, we'll keep you up to date on all the stuff that happened a month ago.

And again, I'm sorry Australia.

Dracula's Lament

I was at a great piano bar tonight that played this song. So here you go.

Bad Lieutenant Trailer. Possibly a Good Nic Cage Flick?

Wow. This trailer actually looks good. "Well duh, shit for brains," you say. "It's a Werner Herzog flick." Well, up yours fucktard, I reply. It's also a Nic Cage flick. But it looks like the goodness of Herr Herzog has triumphed the evil of Grand Master Cage. Don't believe me? Watch the trailer you cynical bastards. Watch Nic Cage smoke from his lucky crack pipe, hallucinate lizards, and cut off the oxygen from a sweet old lady. Ah...now you're interested. Sickos. Enjoy.

Resident Evil Muppets

Well, we've got a music video about Resident Evil up here. Why not a Muppet interpretation?

More Videos at IGN.com

Buffy Without Buffy

Wow, there have been rumors about the future of Buffy the Vampire Slayer for years. With the possibility of a Spike film and even that Ripper BBC thing. Hell at one point it looked like Buffy and the Scoobies would be returning to the big screen.

Well, it looks light Buffy may be, just without the gang. And it'll be a brand new Buffy, played by a new actress with no crossover characters from the series.

Yep. WTFuck!

The director of the original movie, Fran Rubel Kuzui and Kaz Kuzui (her husband) own the rights to Buffy. Evidently they have since the film was made. They want to get back together with Roy Lee and Doug Davison of Vertigo Entertainment and start anew.

The group is meeting with different writers now, and even though they have not ruled out working with Whedon in some capacity, they have not reached out to him. As I've talked about on here before, vampires are hip again. True Blood, Twilight and all those new shows that are in the works. If you own a vampire property, get it moving. Fuck.

They want to make a dark and gritty feature. None of the shows characters other than Buffy. Just dark, tough and ready for sequels. Remember how Whedon wasn't really happy with the direction that this very group took his script in. Remember how the movie is ok, but not at all great. Then how Joss came back and made it into one of the greatest shows on TV. Yep. Fuck. Keep up with the comic series. It's the only good Buffy we're gonna have from here on out.


Some of you might know that at one point, there was a Buffy animated series in the works. It never got made, but a teaser for it is online. Thought I'd end this with that video. Was it a great idea? It sure wasn't as bad as this new movie shit.

Fan Green Lantern Trailer

Ok, now you read the header on this one right? This is a fan trailer for Green Lantern. It's pretty awesome. Ok, it's a little cheesy that they stole some footage from the new Star Trek movie, but beyond that it's cool. And the coolest part about it is their Green Lantern is Nathan Fillion! Damn straight! So check this out. Like a lot of fan trailers I've seen, there's a chance it could be better than the movie that ends up getting made. Nathan Fillion. Fucking awesome.

Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2

Ok, Call of Duty's Modern Warfare ruined my life for a good while. Think of how excited I am to hear about Modern Warfare 2. Thank god it's not coming out until November. At least I'll still have a few months of social activity before Thom and my other friends and I stop leaving our houses and start spending countless hours on Xbox live again. Here's the first video to hype the game.

Halloween 2 Clip

So MTV is giving us about a 34 second Halloween 2 clip. It's Michael attacking Laurie. It's ok and comes after a long ass commercial. The one I saw was for the new Green Day album. Don't know if it's the same every time. The clip doesn't show much and it's pretty out of context as to when it happens, but here it is anyway...

Making Music

Ok, John Mayer's music is pretty damn lame. But that doesn't change the fact that I think he's a pretty funny motherfucker. In this video, John gives us a look behind the scenes to his creative process.

Makin' Music with John Mayer from John Mayer

A Musical Resident Evil 5 Review

And no I am not fucking kidding.

Don't Shoot Them from Rebecca Mayes on Vimeo.

New Trailer for ABC's V Remake

I liked V back in the day. I didn't love it, but I liked it. I remember the first mini-series being awesome, and then the actual series being somewhat blah, and never making it to V: The Final Battle (or whatever it was called). My favorite part being the older Jewish couple, who survived the holocaust, vowing to do whatever it takes stop the Visitors before history repeats itself. This trailer looks like the new series might have that kind of subtext. The Visitors seem to have the Bush-Cheney zeal to control the media, where painting them in any negative light is tantamount to treason. But regardless of any message the trailer looks fun (and yes the Visitors are still reptiles under their human faces). And Juliet from LOST and Inara from Firefly have work! The trailer worked for me. I'll at least watch the first couple of episodes. 

New Trailer for 9

Now, I don't know much about this animated 9 movie. Only that it looks pretty damn sweet. G4's Attack Of The Show has a new exclusive trailer and I put it up here. Man this movie looks dark and weird and awesome. Can't wait for 9-9-09 to check it out.

Video Games - E3 2009 - Attack of the Show

Terminator Salvation

In a summer of huge movies, I've already seen some titans. Wolverine was ok, if not true to a lot of the characters. Star Trek was epic. I want to see it again and again. I just saw the third big film this summer, Terminator Salvation. Fuck.

McG (that is really that assholes name), the director behind the pilot of Chuck, We Are Marshall, Charlie's Angels and Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, and some music videos from Korn and Cypress Hill, is the director of this film. I was kind of surprised that he'd directed before after watching this. Some of the edits are pedestrian at best, and it's like he went to the Bruckheimer school for directing, but only payed attention to the big explosions part. Now Jerry isn't great at character development, but next to McG he looks like Hitchcock when it comes to giving his characters back story. Here's what you get; watch the previous movies. That's pretty much it. They mention that John Connor is the savior of humanity, but don't really back that up with anything. If you hadn't seen any of the other Terminator films, you'd be fucked. The film starts out with a touch of back story about this dude on death row who donates his body to science (Sam Worthington as Marcus Wright). They turn him into a terminator, and he hangs out with teenage Kyle Reese. I think that when they finally reveal that he is a terminator, it's supposed to be surprising. It's not.

Ok, before this I liked Christian Bale (John Connor), a lot. I thought he kicked ass in Batman and American Psycho. Hell, he even lost the slight lisp he had as Batman for this one. But evidently Christian only has one speaking voice. You know that kind of gravely, shitty sounding voice he talked in as Batman? That's how he talks the entire fucking film. It never stops being annoying. Ever.

So remember that criminal guy I told you that they turned into a terminator? Well, he's still got his brain and a human heart. He also doesn't seem to know that he's a machine, or that he's somehow under control from Skynet. He acts really human, but he's a machine at base. Kind of takes the whole, Arnold learning to act more human in T2 and fucks it up the ass, huh? Well, you find out that Skynet made him because he could do what they never could. Kill John Connor. You see, while he was hanging out with Kyle Reese, some fucking huge 6 story machine somehow snuck up on them and captured Kyle. Here's something else fucked up. The machines seem to know that Kyle is a big deal. You keep seeing these POV scenes where they're identifying his face. Wouldn't you think if they knew he was someone that could fuck them over they would just kill the motherfucker? Even as John is breaking him out of Skynet, he's in this cell. Gas the fucker. Shoot him. Whatever! Just don't let him get rescued. Fucking stupid machines. But John Connor does save him. It should have been called Terminator: Save Kyle Reese. That's what the movie was mostly about.

At the end of the film, John has found these terminator batteries, they're nuclear you see. He decides to blow them up and destroy the Skynet headquarters in San Fransisco. Right before he does that CGI Arnold shows up and starts fucking him up. Yep, the Governor of California is in this movie as a CGI version of his younger self. He stabs John in the heart. Super nice and sensitive terminator Marcus can't stand for that and tears Arnold's head off. Then while on an evac helicopter John detonates the charges he laid, nuking the headquarters. Fortunately they seem to have been flying a fully manual helicopter with no electronics and therefore were in no way affected by the electro magnetic pulse from the blast. When they land, John's stabbed heart is giving out. Thank God the sensitive terminator is there to offer his. I think it's supposed to be redeeming. It doesn't really come off that way. Good thing for the resistance they were of a compatible blood type. Fuck.

Here's the deal. Starting with the second Terminator movie you had to suspend disbelief. It just had some logic holes. But fans, myself included, did that. Because it kicked ass! This movie does not kick ass. It pretty much sucks. It's kind of boring and drags on. It's hard to care or suspend disbelief. It's even kind of weird that it's called Terminator Salvation. One could argue that it's because of the perceived salvation of sensitive terminator Marcus. Or that it's the salvation of the entire Terminator franchise. I'd believe the latter more. Not because I see this movie as bringing the films back from the brink, but because it reminds me of how much I love the old ones. This movie is a lot like Terminator 3. I don't really like it, but man, does it make me want to re watch it's better predecessors.

Fanboys

What a great day for DVD releases.  24's season seven dropped.  The first season of True Blood came out.  And motherfuckin' Fanboys finally hit DVD.  For those of you who hate cool things, here's some info about what you didn't know should have been on DVD years ago.

Directed by Kyle Newman and written by Ernest Cline and Adam Goldberg, Fanboys tells the story of a group of 5 friends who decide to travel from Ohio to the Skywalker Ranch and steal a copy of Star Wars Episode One.  You see, one of them is dying from cancer and so his friends decide that he should see the movie before he dies.  Well, evidently they've all been talking about breaking into Skywalker Ranch since they were kids.  They just actually have a reason now.

Sam Huntington is Eric, Chris Marquette is Linus (the kid with cancer), Dan Fogler is Hutch and Jay Baruchel is Windows.  Rounding out the crew is Nothing Files favorite Kristen Bell as Zoe.  Pretty much everyone else in the film is played by someone doing a pretty cool cameo.  You've got Danny Trejo, Seth Rogen, Joe Lo Truglio, Jamie King, Carrie Fisher, Kevin Smith, William Shatner, Jason Mewes and Ray Park to name a few.  Yep it's awesome.

The group fights Trekkies and even gets help from Harry Knowles in their cross-country trek to see the film they've been waiting 15 years for.  This film is pretty much everything I wanted it to be. I heard about the movie years ago, and not living in one of the lucky cities that got a sneak peak at it in theaters, had to wait until tonight to finally see it.  You see, this film has been done for some time now.  It's just been held up again and again.  Remember the cancer kid?  Well, the studio thought he was too big a downer and wanted him taken out.  Thank God for you, the Internet fan base.  You helped fight the studio and get his story back in.  You should buy yourself a beer.  You've earned it.  

This film references Star Wars more than my friends and I could ever hope to and it's awesome.  It's written for Star Wars fans, and I would be shocked to hear a true, dyed in the wool fan who didn't love it.  And Kristen Bell is in a slave Leia outfit!  With most movies I review, I break down what happens, bit by bit and give my impressions of each part.  Fuck, I even did that with the new Star Trek, but I'm not gonna do that here.  If you're a Star Wars fan, this needs to be in your collection.  It's funny, fun and well worth the $14.  So go out and buy it or order it online if you're a creepy recluse like me, or whatever.  Just get it and dig in.  The force is strong in this film.

Grimm

The new project staring Bruce Willis, Grimm just dropped it's first poster and synopsis today. Here's the official version;

"Marburg, Massachusetts, USA - Teenager Katie O'Sullivan goes to a new babysitting job. Instead of a regular family, she encounters ghostly twins Henry and Grace and a terrifying apparition that drags her off towards a sinister tower. She is never seen again.

Soon afterwards, Pat Quinn and his family move to the seemingly idyllic town, where he is the new Police Chief. His second wife Ella has two daughters from her first marriage and Quinn has a daughter, Megan, and son, John, from his. On their very first evening John encounters the strange twins, as well as a huge frog, which he brings back to the house. Quinn makes him take it back to the pond where he found it, but that night a wet, naked young man forces his way into the house and Megan's bedroom. He vanishes before Quinn sees him, leaving behind a slimy trail. From this moment on, Megan and John notice strange things and people in the town, but when they talk about them, nobody believes them. Only Professor Kurland, who approaches Quinn to show him pictures of Katie and two other teenagers who went missing at the same time, thinks they're telling the truth. He warns Quinn that bad things happen to youngsters in this town.

One day, Megan and her best friend Ruth go to visit Ruth's grandmother. A wolf-like creature attacks them, having already savaged the grandmother. Ruth is torn limb from limb and Megan barely escapes with her life. As mysterious and frightening happenings occur one after the other, Quinn starts to believe there may be sinister forces at work in Marburg, but will he discover who or what is behind it all in time to save his family?"

Ok, that sounds pretty cool. Again, this is another project that I'm not that versed in, but the premise sounds neat. Also, it's only in pre-production and to my knowledge, Bruce Willis is the only signed actor. I couldn't even find director info. Only that it's being produced by Baldwin Entertainment. Anyway, I'll do my best to keep you in the loop.

Sherlock Holmes

Well, here is the first trailer for Robert Downy Jr. and Jude Law's Sherlock Holmes. It actually looks pretty awesome. I don't know that much about this one, only that I'm pretty sure it's one of a couple different Sherlock Holmes films in the pipeline right now. But it still looks pretty cool. So here it is, you're first look at Iron Man as the greatest detective of all time.

Brad Fuller Talks Elm Street

Here's your first leaked image from the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. You can tell I got it from Bloody-Disgusting.

On his blog, Brad Fuller talks about the first couple of weeks of shooting and what it's like to see the new Freddy in full gear. Here are the highlights;

"...last night was the first time we filmed Freddy - the first time that we saw Jackie with all his wardrobe and make-up. It was insane. Jackie is playing to role with incredible intensity. His Freddy doesn't tell jokes, he is simply terrifying. His make-up is so awesome - obviously there will be elements that you all know so well, but there have been advances in make-up and he truly looks like a burn victim. It is challenging to have a normal conversation with him because he looks so scary. And if that's not enough, he talks with his hands a lot and at one point he pointed to me with the glove and it was terrifying."

Wow. That sounds pretty brutal. Maybe I am excited about this movie. I'll tell you more as it's revealed.

New Moon One Sheet

So, what do we have here. Looks like the one sheet to the Twilight sequel, New Moon. Super.

So there's the toe headed guy in front there, and it looks like the werewolf kid got a haircut and is getting all sharks vs jets at his back. And if you're like me and haven't read the books but watched the first movie and didn't realise that all those Indian dudes are werewolves, you payed even less attention that I did. Come on. They hit you over the head with that shit. Anyway, then there's Bella Swan, the daffy bitch from the first film. She told Count Toe Head in the last movie that she wanted to be with him forever. Good thing she's hanging all over Chief Werewolf. Bitch.

So there you go. Again, I haven't read the books and didn't really enjoy the first film so I'm a little jaded. Of course the only people who have recommended the books to me are 30 something women with very suspect taste in general, so that's probably coloring my opinion too. Well, for those of you who are excited about this, New Moon obviously will release on 11.20.09. Maybe I'll dress up like a mummy and go to the premiere to yell at all the kids about how if they think vampires and werewolves are cool and sexy, they're missing the hottest of all. Dried up dead mummies. Brendon Fraiser could use the work.

Star Trek 2

With the success of Star Trek at the box office, it's no surprise that rumors are abound about a sequel. But the only rumors I'm listening to are from the man himself, JJ Abrams. Here's what he has to say;

"The fun of this [alternate Star Trek reality] is that the destiny of these characters is in their hands — it's not constrained by the pre-existing films or TV series. Believe me, whether it's William Shatner or Khan ... it would be ridiculous to not be open to those ideas. Khan and Kirk exist, and while their history may not be exactly as people are familiar with, I would argue that a person's character is what it is. Certain people are destined to cross paths and come together, and Khan is out there ... even if he doesn't have the same issues"

That would be awesome. Khan may hate Kirk even though different events occurred. And maybe Shatner in the next one? I like where you're head's at JJ. I just hope we don't get stuck in a "new reality" rut where every movie is remade with similar structure but with a quirky, "how with the new timeline play into the old one" twist. No one wants the Enterprise finding God or whatever again.

Behind the Mask 2

Original Nothing Files fans will probably recall that the first podcast we ever recorded was about the movie Behind The Mask; The Rise Of Leslie Vernon. That movie kicked ass. Well guess how excited I was to read this Icons Of Fright interview with David J. Stieve (co-writer of Behind The Mask).

"Scott and I are painfully aware of the sequel trap, of treading the same ground again with nothing more than a bigger budget. That’s not what’s going to happen. Things didn’t go the way Leslie wanted them to, particularly in the reaction of the residents of Glen Echo. I can’t give any more details than that, but suffice to say, we find Leslie a little perplexed that he ‘did everything right, everything went exactly according to plan!’ and yet the aftermath of his rampage is a right-turn derailment of what he was expecting. So he, being Leslie, regroups and plays the hand he’s been dealt. How Taylor and the boys get involved is part of the unfolding of his efforts in that regard. I can tell you that there is a way we’re blending the documentary and cinematic lenses again. And there is also a manner in which Taylor and Leslie are forced to cooperate with one another, although not necessarily on the best of terms. There’s definitely a perverse love story that must be honored…[and] a sort of bigger, badder influence that’s threatening everything Leslie’s worked to accomplish, and Taylor may have her own agenda for ‘helping’ him. Or does she?”

Ok. Sounds awesome. I really hope that this one gets off the ground. Behind The Mask really kicked ass, and started us out. I'd love to see these guys team up and get Leslie Vernon back behind the mask and kicking ass.

My Triumphant Return... And Danielle Harris

That's right, sinners. I'm back. Las Vegas did everything it could to keep me in that city until I descended into madness, but it couldn't keep me down. I have returned after this too long Nothing Files hiatus, and I do so with a NF favorite, Danielle Harris!

That's right. I found a picture of her with Tyler Mane, Zombie's Michael. No real news here. Just letting you know that I'm back and Danielle Harris is awesome. Sure, I don't spell great, and I have the longest run-on sentences ever, but you know you missed me. More news you love to motherfucking come!

Dread

Here at The Nothing Files, we love us some Clive Barker. That's why when this promo video for the Barker short adaptation of Dread came up, I had to have it here. You're going to see Jackson Rathbone from Twilight. It's about three college students that study people's fears. As they descend into the study, one begins to exploit the deepest fears of his fellow participants. Enjoy. Also, if the site seems unchanged over the next few days, it's not because we're throwing in the towel. I'm just going to Vegas for 5 days and will be too steeped in sin to have time to update. Sorry. Even the devil himself needs a vacation now and again. Until then...

Greatest Digital Short Ever!

It's been a long time since I posted, but this might be the greatest thing I've ever seen in my entire life! JT is no longer one of the best hosts in SNL history, but THE best!

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

More Spawn News. Not So Good.

Well, Todd McFarlane really wants to get this Spawn movie made. You'll remember he told MTV that after Iron Man he's got at least 5 offers on the table.

Let's not forget that in the 90's McFarlane and Spawn helped bring comic books back to the foreground into the common lexicon. Spawn the comic kicked ass. Spawn the movie, certainly did not. It sucking fucked.

One would hope that McFarlane has learned his lesson and is moving on to make the Spawn film that we all really want to see. Read on...

"The thing I’ve had in my head for a long time isn’t a big comic-book movie. Everything’s real; it’s like ‘The Departed,’ ‘L.A. Confidential’ or something like that — and there’s only one thing out of the ordinary in the story I’ve written, which is the thing people know as Spawn. And only a few people see it. To me, it’s more along the lines of ‘Jaws,’ where you didn’t see [the shark] for half the movie, and then you caught glimpses of him. You’re not going to get an [origin story] with a rubber costume. As a matter-of-fact, you’ll never see Spawn in his full regalia, because to me, he’s more of a sentinel, like a living shadow. I’ve shown the artwork [to potential investors] and he’s all black; he doesn’t look exactly like what people have seen in the comic book."

Fuck. Seriously? This idea sounds like it fucking sucks. Fuck you Todd McFarlane. Why must you keep robbing us of the Spawn movie that we all want to see? The HBO animated series was great. The comic was great for years. That's what we want. Fucking Spawn being huge and tortured, kicking all sorts of ass. Throwing his chains and cape around and kicking the devils ass. Fuck. That sounds great. What McFarlane is talking about sounds like a lot more crap. Someone yell at Todd and tell him to fuck himself and that his idea sucks. Make a Spawn film. Make a good one. Or just stop. Please.

New Terminator Salvation Clip

Here's the new, super cool looking clip from Terminator Salvation. I'm getting more and more hyped about this film everyday. How bad ass does this shit look...

New Neil Gaiman Films

Henry Selick, the man behind Coraline, can't wait to adapt some more Neil Gaimen. I can't wait.

As a huge Gaimen fan I can't wait for any movies adapted from this guy's work. Gaimen has stated that there are plans for a Death: The High Cost of Living movie, but everyone seems hesitant to tackle a full Sandman film.

"We want to work together again, but I’d rather not say right now because there are so many - several - titles under discussion" Selick told Total Film in a recent interview.

Man, I don't care. American Gods, Death, even his and Terry Pratchett's Good Omens would be awesome. Where's Neil when you need him? Hopefully he's on the phone, getting more of his awesome works into movies.

Halloween 2 Poster

Here he is. You're Michael Myers from Halloween 2. This is the new official one sheet for the film.

Gone is the whole H2 crap, but it doesn't look like The Devil Is Among Us tag line made it. At least to this teaser poster. Too bad. I thought that was kind of cool.

Well, here's Michael in the mask that he'll wear for entirely not long enough. In the background is the ghost of Michael's mother, Sheri Moon Zombie. Yep.

So there you have it. Halloween 2 drops in theaters on August 28th.

The Crazies

Well, I've seen the first behind the scenes footage from the remake of George Romero's classic, The Crazies, and you're about to too. Too bad it's from MTV. Regardless, it's a good look at where they're hoping to go with this one. The story follows the inhabitants of a small town in Kansas after a plane has crashed and leaked poison into their water supply. Death and madness ensues. Look for this one in theaters February 26, 2010. It stars Timothy Olyphont, Danielle Panabaker and Radha Mitchell.

MTV Shows

Mother.s Day

No, not this Sunday, though here's your reminder. I'm talking about the 1980 Troma classic Mother's Day. Not just because it's always fun to watch a holiday themed horror film on the respective holiday, but because it's being remade.

Darren Lynn Bousman, who was behind three of the Saw films and Repo! The Genetic Opera, has worked out a deal with Twisted Pictures and LightTower Entertainment to get a Mother's Day remake in the works.

In the original, you follow three girls on a camping trip who are terrorized by two brothers that are straight out of Deliverance and are trying to impress their crazy as shit mother. In this one, penned by Scott Milam, the mother will be affected by the current rough economic crisis and loses her house. Man that's topical. It's up to her demented as hell sons to get her house back.

The group is hoping for a July start to filming with a Mother's Day 2010 release.

To Boldly Go...

Yep. To boldly go... JJ Abrams (director), Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman (writers) have truly ventured to go where no one has dared to go before. To take one of the most beloved franchises of all time and one series with the most devout and ravenous fan bases and restart it from day one. No Enterprise doesn't count. That was just trying to breath new life into a dying franchise and poisoning it more then healing it. These guys started at the real beginning. James T. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Scotty, everyone on the Enterprise. The ship that in the sixties took us where no man had gone before and never looked back. This is going to be spoiler heavy, so if you haven't seen this one yet, get off your moms couch and get to the fucking theater. No, just because you read the prequel comic doesn't exclude you from waiting in line opening night with the rest of us.

You know who the players are... Or by this point, should. Chris Pine is James Kirk. Zachary Quinto is Spock. Leonard Nimoy is also Spock (nice). Karl Urban is Bones. Zoe Saldana is Uhura. John Cho is Sulu. Simon motherfucking Pegg is Scotty. Anton Yelchin is Chekov. Eric Bana is our villain, Nero.

The film opens with Nero in a huge Romulan ship coming out of a black hole and George Kirk, Jim's father, engaging it. He's captain for 12 minutes and saves over 800 lives. Fuck. Then you see Kirk and Spock young. Spock trying to be more Vulcan than Human and Kirk just fucking shit up and being a rebel kid. He is a tough motherfucker even at a very young age. Kirk joins Starfleet and again becomes the only cadet to beat the Kobiashi Moru, or however the fuck that's spelled. Now realize that Nero has come back in time. He's fucked up the timeline. Everything that happens from his arrival is different then the Star Trek world we know. Kirk has no dad. Nero blames Spock for the destruction of Romulus, and he will stop at nothing to destroy every world in the federation to make them feel the pain of losing their homeworlds as he has. He is an evil dick bent on revenge. It's pretty awesome. Also, he has a great scene where he yells out "Spock" in a very Khan like manner.

So Nero is out there fucking everything up and in the midst of Kirk getting reprimanded for cheating on the Kobiashi Moru, all of Starfleet is called up to kick his ass. Next thing you know Spock is captain of the Enterprise, Vulcan has been destroyed and Kirk has been thrown off the ship by Capt. Spock and abandoned on Hoth. Thank fuck Leonarnd Nimoy Spock is there along with Scotty to save his ass. Kirk takes command of the Enterprise and given the fact that he would rather kill himself and everyone under his command than lose, he and the crew kick the shit out of Nero. Saving Earth, and the day.

They are not fucking around on this one. They fucking destroyed Vulcan. Yep. Not fucking around. One of the best things Abrams has going for him, is his casting. Sure it's not the same actors, but damn if they're not the same characters. Most obvious is Bones. Karl Urban is Leonard McCoy. Dead to rights. Chris Pine is a bad ass Kirk too. He's over the top and overly ambitious. He seduces women of all races and kicks everyones ass. Well, he pretty much gets his ass kicked until the other guy can't kick ass anymore, then he kicks their ass. He has that never say die, never stop giving up quality that Capt. Kirk must have. The swagger. It's all there. Simon Pegg's Scotty is by far the standout for humor. He's funny as hell, but you still believe that he's the genius engineer that keeps the ship defying the odds. And Spock... Obviously the fulcrum of the story. Zach Quinto does a great job as the mixed species stoic who trys to define himself by logic and fights against his human nature. It's just something that has to be seen to grasp. It's also shot beautifully. It's finally the original Star Trek with a budget and a good story.

Star Trek has never been a show that's great with continuity. This movie throws most of that out the window. They take the universe and the characters we love and postulates, if only a few events happened differently, all this wouldn't be the same. But because of who they are. Who the players on the Enterprise are. They will end up in the same places eventually. It's by no fault that the Enterprise of any timeline is the flagship of the Federation, and that it's crew is the best in the fleet. Go see Star Trek. Don't put it off. In a summer of popcorn munching blockbusters, it's stands alone as not only entertaining, but a great film.

The Red Band Hangover Trailer

So much good and different stuff in this trailer.  This movie is going to be balls on a wall. Tits on a board. Or about any other lame ass metaphor that doesn't make sense. And it's just plain weird. And funny. Enjoy. And, "So long, gay boys."

Don't Mess With The Lohan

I'm not gonna lie, Katt Williams helped, but here's one more. This is for Jon.

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

Katt Williams

Lame movie news has me depressed. So you know what I do when movies get me down? That's right. I go to YouTube and find something to bring me back up. Here he is, Katt Williams...

Wolverine 2

Fucking seriously? Ok, so X-Men Origins: Wolverine has already made a shit load of money. Guess what? Variety reports that there's already plans for another one. Fuck me. This one will follow the story of Logan's samurai training in Japan. No word yet on what other beloved mutants they will cobble in and manage to fuck up.

Alexis Bledel and Sin City 2

Alexis Bledel was nice enough to tell the folks over at MTV that she is planning on reprising her role as Becky in Sin City 2. Now the script is done, but there is no word on when or where filming will begin.

Alexis joins Michael Clarke Duncan, Rosario Dawson and Jamie King as actors who are officially on board for the sequel. Also probably on board is Angelina Jolie who will more than likely be Ava Lord from A Dame To Kill For. That does leave Clive Owen and Mickey Rourke up in the air. Rourke especially has given both yes's and no's when asked if he would be involved. While the film wouldn't be the same without Rourke's Marv, remember that at the time of the Dame To Kill For story, Owen's character had a different face. It was after those events that he underwent complete facial reconstruction surgery to get the look he had for the story portrayed in the first film.

Well, I personally hope Mickey comes back. He kicked serious ass as Marv. And beyond that, get this thing moving. Sin City was one of the coolest and best done comic films I've ever seen. I can't wait for a sequel!

Deadpool Talks Wolverine

So if you follow YouTube very much, you know that Deadpool seems to make a lot of his own videos... and that his mask is crappy looking. Regardless, I decided, rather than to write a Wolverine movie review right now, (not because I'm too drunk, because this is funny!) that I'd let Deadpool give it to you in his own words. Now this doesn't mean that I parrot his beliefs on the film, just that I don't have the time to cut and paste my own Deadpool mask and put it on film. Enjoy...

Halloween 2 Synopsis

Well, Rob Zombie has posted the plot synopsis for Halloween 2. Here it is;

"It's that time of year again, and Michael Myers has returned home to sleepy Haddonfield, Illinois to take care of some unfinished family business. Unleashing a trail of terror that only horror master Rob Zombie can, Myers will stop at nothing to bring closure to the secrets of his twisted past. But the town’s got an unlikely new hero, if they can only stay alive long enough to stop the unstoppable."

So the biggest question in that is who is the town's new unlikely hero? All I can say is, if it's that Uncle Seymore Coffins fucker I'll burn the god damn theater down. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. So there you have it. New Halloween news. Fuck Seymore Coffins.

Tokyo Zombie

In case you haven't noticed, I will watch anything with Zombie in the title. There is something deeply wrong with me. This time around it's Tokyo Zombie. What first turned me onto this film, was that it was written by Sakichi Sato, who wrote Ichi The Killer. Not at all the same movie.

So Yusaku Hanakuma directed this film that has been called the Shawn of the Dead of Japan. Not really that either.

The plot from what I gather is that Tadanobu Asano plays Fujio, who is learning jujitsu from Mitsuo (Sho Aikawa). Mitsuo is the bald one. He's also a pervert evidently. Fujio is kind of a dipshit and can't really seem to keep on focus. Well, there's also this Black Fuji thing. It's a mountain of trash that people just dump whatever they want into. Waste, garbage, bodies... So somehow in Black Fuji, the magical formula that God handed down to make zombies occurs. Fujio and Mitsuo are left with nothing other then being dipshits and their jujitsu to save them.

Mitsuo decides that they must flee north to Russia, cause that's where tough men live. But while they are trying to pick up supplies Mitsuo sees a girl trying to steal the cash register from the store and decided he must "save" her. In the process he gets "bitten". Notice all the quotes? That's a touch of foreshadowing. So Mitsuo makes Fujio promise to protect the girl then throws himself into a river. Fujio and the girl soon get surrounded and follow suit.

This is when the movie cuts into a weird anime thing and you find out that with the zombie outbreak, the rich of Tokyo have built towers to escape the zombies and now have poor people as their servants. If they get too weak, they are killed off. The only way that you can change casts is in the arena. You see the Japanese have pretty much turned the outbreak into entertainment for the rich people. Poor people fight zombies in an arena. Rich people watch and think it's funny. Good old Japanese. Guess who's a fighter? Yep... Fujio. He fights jujitsu against zombies in honor of his fallen master. He also married the chick they "saved" and the two have a daughter together. His wife keeps calling him a retard. It's really fucking weird.

The crowd hates Fujio because he always dispatches his opponents so quickly with his jujitsu. I can't make this shit up. So they find the toughest zombie ever to fight him. Yep, it's Mitsuo. Fuck. But guess what? Mitsuo isn't even a zombie. You see a flashback to where he was bitten and the zombie that bit him had dentures. So he just has convinced himself he's a zombie. This is the mentor to the hero here. And I always thought that it was more of a fluid transfer thing that infected you. Like if your skin got broken and zombie saliva mixed with your blood, that's when you were fucked. Not if you got bit by actual zombie teeth or just some zombie dentures... Anyway...

Fujio kind of beats Mitsuo all while a group of outsiders start to attack the compound to find booze or something. Fujio gets a motorcycle and grabs his awful wife and kid and they begin their trip to Russia. Yep. That's the movie.

It's no Shawn of the Dead, but it was kind of entertaining. You know how some people don't get British humor? Like there's always that guy that doesn't think Monty Python is funny. I think this is like that. Japanese humor is weird, and this is more of a J-Comedy than horror film. I am glad I saw it. I just don't know how many more times I'll watch it. So if you like smoking pot or just watching really weird zombie films, then I guess Tokyo Zombie is for you.

JJ Abrams And The Dark Tower

While interviewing about Star Trek, director and Lost creator JJ Abrams talks briefly about a Dark Tower movie. The Dark Tower series is a long running book series by Steven King which Thom keeps telling me is awesome. You here you go, supernerds! JJ Abrams and all his nerdy mastery, talking about doing a movie of a Steven King book.

Inglourious Basterds Pitt Poster

I know around here at The Nothing Files, we all can't wait for Inglourious Basterds. So when I found this poster of Brad Pitt I couldn't wait to get it up here.

Check out that fucking neck scar. That's core. Brad Pitt want's his motherfucking scalps and I want to see this movie. Keep it tuned here for any Basterds news I can find.

Tony Stark

Well, here's the first official image from Iron Man 2.  You can see some different suits in the background and Tony Stark looking all creepy forward.

Iron Man 2 takes place 6 months after Tony's reveal that he is Iron Man at the end of the first film and is currently in it's third week of filming.

Iron Man 2 is projected at a May 7th release in 2010.

A Return To Hell On Earth

Reports are that the Spawn franchise is about to get a much needed reboot.  The former best selling comic got a wicked shitty movie, and that made all other Hollywood hopes seem lost.

Well, as they say, tomorrow is another day.

Todd McFarlane, creator of Spawn, has been saying that he's got up to five offers on the table for a new Spawn film.  Everything from big special effects films to small indie films.

Good for you, Todd.

It's unknown how the film will pan out, but hopefully it'll be something cool.  McFarlane hopes to write and direct the film itself.

Couldn't be worse than the first effort.

The Boy in the Clown Suit Grown Up

Well, here he is.  This is a high res image of Rob Zombies, Michael Myers.

Yep, the mask is all fucked up and there's part of his face.

That's as good as you can hope for in the film.  Remember, it's supposed to end with Myers in a different mask and he's not supposed to wear any mask for at least 3/4 of the film.

Yep.  Trying hard to still look forward to it.