Cassie Hack, Beaten To The Punch

You may notice that the top of the image to the left says slated to be a major motion picture from Rogue pictures.

Well, only if they get off their asses and get the fucker made. I've talked about how Megan Fox wants the role, and it seems like a lot of fans want to see this get the big screen treatment.

Well, while Rogue has been dicking around not making this film, another company took the idea and are running with it.

Enter, Eve, the story of a woman who tracks down and kills supernatural serial killers. Fuck. Brian Metcalf, Karoline Kautz and Elaine Hendrix will produce the film for Ratio Pictures. Hendrix will also star with Jordan Matthews in the film. It was scripted and will be filmed by Metcalf next year.

So step up Rogue. Hack/Slash could be a great movie, and you don't want to get your thunder stolen by some other film ripping off the premise. Fuck.

Uncle Seymore Coffins Channel 18 Creature Feature

Rob Zombie is doing more publicity for a movie that he's filming than any other director I can think of. I hope that means that Halloween 2: The Devil Walks Among Us really kicks ass, and he's excited about it. Not that he knows it's a turd and is doing everything he can to get his money back.

That said, here are some new adds that Rob made up about Uncle Seymore Coffins and his Channel 18 Creature Double Feature.

Unfortunately, we had originally reported that Seymore Coffins would be played by Zombie alum Bill Moseley. Sadly that is no longer the case. Moseley evidently has a scheduling conflict so the role is being recast. While that sucks, maybe it'll be good for Rob to work with some new people.

Anyway, here's the new hype images for Halloween 2. Hope you dig them.

The Greatest Albums EVER: Recipe For Hate

We here at The Nothing Files have decided that I will start a new column, The Greatest Albums EVER. It's always been kind of our thesis to cover not only upcoming cool stuff news, but to return to the past for stuff that we love and not everyone might have caught. It is in that spirit that I'm doing this new column. I'll be picking out albums that are some of my favorites of all time, and writing them up here, for you. You're welcome.

To start this was a no brainer. It had to be Bad Religion's Recipe For Hate. Bad Religion is one of my all time favorite bands, and there was a run there in the 90's when they could do no wrong. BR formed in 1980 in California from high schoolers Greg Graffin, Jay Bentley, Jay Ziskrout and Brett Gurewitz. The lineup has changed off and on over the years, most notably when Gurewitz, guitarist and co-lyric writer, left the band for years. I know that it's not as punk to talk about Recipe For Hate, because it's the first album after BR left punk label Epitaph for Atlantic Records, but it's such a fucking good album. The following album Stranger Than Fiction is what put BR on the mainstream radar with 21st Century Digital Boy, a redux of the track from Against the Grain. This is also the last album before Gurewitz left the band under bad terms to focus on Epitaph. He wouldn't return until 2002's The Process of Belief. Finally, Bad Religion is one of the only bands ever that you probably need a thesaurus to understand all the lyrics. Lets get into this album...

The album starts with the title track, Recipe For Hate. It's a ripping track that sets the tone early on. Greg listing off his Recipe For Hate is the hook, and it's a scathing indictment of human history. The second song is by far one of my favorite Bad Religion songs of all time, Kerosene. BR does a great job of being hard rocking and melodic at the same time and this is a great example of that. It's a fuck you punch about being homeless and having only kerosene to keep you warm. Greg sounds disgusted that people in the world are dying of exposure and he's fucking right. As BR so often does, this track kicks ass and has a good social message. Great job you fuckers. Track three is probably the most famous BR track, and arguably one of the most popular punk rock songs of all time, American Jesus. It's a BR staple to adopt the persona of the white upper-middle class male and sing from his disdainful standpoint about the world around him. This track is indicative of that. And this came out years before David Bowie said God is an American. We can do whatever we want, cause we're Americans and we have our own Jesus. The song ends with the chant One Nation Under God. It is one of the greatest tracks ever. If you don't know it, stop write now and download this track. It'll make you rock by at least %29 more. Other standouts from the album are All Good Soldiers, BR's look at the American Military, Struck a Nerve, another great track about poverty, My Poor Friend Me, an introspective track about isolation and depression, and Don't Pray On Me. It has one of my favorite lines ever; And custodians of public opinion stay fat after vainly discussing her rights. Lay hands off her body. It's not your fuckin' life.

I could go into every track on this one but that's just too much. This album fucking rocks and has a great message that more people need to hear. Bad Religion is working on a new album that is expected sometime next year. Graffin off and on teaches Life Science 1 and Earth Space & Sciences 116 at UCLA. How many punk bands have a college prof as a lead singer? That's right. Go buy this album now. Seriously, it's sad you haven't already.

Mark Millar's American Jesus

Man, I'm riding Mark Millar's jock so much these last few days, even I'm mistaking myself for Thom.

In other Mark Millar news, I told you about how he and filmmaker Matthew Vaughn are wrapping up on Kick-Ass. Well, they're about to jump into bed together again with Millar's American Jesus.

I always knew American Jesus as one of the greatest punk rock anthems ever. Evidently it's a comic series too. Who knew? Millar and Peter Gross' American Jesus started out as a three shot called Chosen. After Millar decided to do the story as three different miniseries, the name changed to American Jesus. It's all about Jesus returning to the modern world and starting the confrontation with the Anti-Christ to save humanity. No word yet on if Marilyn Manson will actually be the Anti-Christ or not. Stay tuned!

So this looks to be then next work from the Millar/Vaughn duo. Sounds cool guys. Hope it Kicks-Ass. Fuck that was way too lame. Anyway, looking forward to more on this one. Sorry I suck...

Spiderman on Broadway!

I'm trying to act like I'm excited about this. Spiderman on Broadway. Fuck yea! I love musicals and shit. Live action rocks. Fuck. I don't really give a shit. But maybe you do.

The New York Post has details on Julie Taymor's new Spiderman Broadway awesome thing. Spidy will battle such familiar villains as Green Goblin, Carnage, Electro, Rhino, Swarm and The Lizard. Wow. This is gonna be a long play.

Spidy will also deal with a new villain, created just for this run, Swiss Miss. Eiko Ishioka, the guy who did the costumes for Bram Stokers Dracula, came up with her costume of rotating knives and swirling corkscrews. Swiss Miss? What the fuck. The costume sounds kind of cool, but fuck, way to lame it up. Comic book villains created for movies or in this case musicals are pretty much always the lamest characters ever. Why has no one realised this.

Anyway, It's supposed to be pretty cool, and I'm sure if I lived in Manhattan I'd get fucking hammered some night and check it out. So if you're in the area, that's probably what you should do. I've got to go talk Mikey out of getting a Swiss Miss tattoo.

Crank 2: High Voltage

Ok, I'm coming out and saying that I really liked the first Crank film. I grew up in the 80's when there were over the top action films that just kicked ass and had very little plot. There were also over the top action stars, who could barely act, but knew how to kick the shit out of every motherfucker in the room. I miss that kind of cinema. It teaches you nothing and there is rarely a message. They're just fun, popcorn munchers that you can tune out to. That said, I again, thought Crank kicked ass.

Imagine my joy upon learning about Crank 2: High Voltage. He died. But he got better. Fuck yes! The film is due out soon, on April 17th. So to build up to that, I've got both the normal and red band trailers right here, just for you. God bless Jason Statham for continuing to be a better actor than the movies he's in. I cannot fucking wait for this movie.

First the red band trailer.

And the normal, kind of family friendly one.

Mark Millar and the Greatest Superman Stories Never Told

For the uninitiated, Mark Millar wrote and co-produced both Wanted, the upcoming Kick-Ass and has written some of the best comics out there. He has also been very passionate about helping Warner Brothers re-start it's ailing Superman franchise.

Millar had a dream, and a damn cool on if you ask me, about a Lord of the Rings style Superman trilogy. The final movie would end with Superman as the last man on Earth. Ok, kind of hard to follow that up with anything, but I still think it would be awesome. I'd love to see a grand scale, over the top Superman movie. And in planning to do a trilogy, you can have ridiculously cool stuff happen. I don't know. I just think it sounds sweet.

Unfortunately this is what Millar recently posted on his message board;

“Warner’s talked to us and a few other writer/director teams, but things seem to be in stasis right now. As far as I understand, nothing is happening with Superman at the moment and so the director and I are just working on another project. If it happens, great. If it doesn’t, no biggie.”

Crap. Well, good luck Mark. I'd love to see your Superman vision. I just wish that Warner Bros would do something with the Superman films. I love old Supes and it's time to get him back on the big screen, damnit.

Megan Fox; Superhero

When news is slow, it's time to go to the well and throw up a hot picture of Megan Fox. Done and done.

Evidently everyone is excited for Megan Fox to be staring in Fathom. Fox grew up reading Fathom and comes with a familiar background for the character. Not only does she want the job, but she loves the character she'll be playing and want to give the fans what she believes will be a true and honest representation of her. Good job, Megan. You're super cool.

Also, Megan Fox has met series creator, Michael Turner, before he passed away, and he was 100% positive that Fox should have the role. That's pretty high praise too.

Fathom is being penned by Jordan Mechner, the guy behind the Prince of Persia video games. While no director is set for the film yet, Fox is about to start filming on Jonah Hex, another comic book movie I talked about on here a while back. The rumors are still also flying around about Fox in both Hack/Slash and Witchblade. Wow. You know how to keep the nerds happy, Megan.

Cobra Commander

Quality movie news is so slow, here's a picture of an action figure. Yay!

Fuck.

So, there are a lot of rumors about what Joseph Gordon-Levitt will look like as Cobra Commander, the leader of the evil Cobra organization, in the new G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra film. Previously I had come across pictures of a figure designed for 3 year olds of Cobra Commander and that was in no way worth posting. This however at least has a kind of picture drawing thing of him on the side. That's something.

It would appear that gone is the face cowl, and it's been replaced with this weird see through rebreather thing. His face also looks really messed up, which fits, since Gordon-Levitt has mentioned having to spend hours upon hours having facial prosthetics applied for the role.

With the films August 7th release date still quite a ways off, I'm sure we'll see some actuall pictures of the evil bastard himself soon. But this will have to hold you over for now.

Final Star Trek Poster

Here it is, the final poster for Abrams re-inventing of the Star Trek story.

With the film dropping on May 8th, we've barely got over a month before release day. Will Abrams get to weird and destroy the franchise? Will Shatner use his powers of mind control and stop the films release? Will Mikey ever quit drinking until he wets himself? Or will it come out and be kind of cool but not quite as cool as you had hoped? Probably the latter.

But the poster looks sick and I can honestly say I'm looking forward to this one. So dig out your phaser and your pointy ears. It's time, once again, to start nerding it up old school in anticipation of Star Trek, a motion picture.

Night Of The Living Dead: Reanimated

The second trailer for Night of the Living Dead: Reanimated came out today. The project is a collaboration of a bunch of different artists and animators giving their interpretations of Romero's classic Night of the Living Dead. You can check out the website at http://www.notldr.com/

WWMD?

"Haddonfield police are very disturbed by a new t-shirt that's been popping up around town. This man Chett "the bringer of death" Johns was arrested outside a Dr. Loomis book signing. Apparently Chett was caught spray painting MICHAEL LIVES across a local Starbucks."

Good work Rob. The hype for this movie is growing by the day. Hope it can live up to it.

Where The Wild Things Are

Recently I posted the one sheet for Spike Jonze's Where the Wild Things Are. Since then the teaser trailer has come out. Don't think I'll leave you alone in the cold without it. Here you go.

Leonard Nimoy May Voice A Fallen

Leonard Nimoy has been approached to voice one of The Fallen in the new Transformers film. Super nerd fans may remember that Nimoy voiced Galvatron in the animated movie.

Sure it's not much, but there is nothing really going on worth writing about right now. Lots of speculation on movies I don't really care about but not a lot of "holy shit" news. I think Nimoy is cool and he can make anything sound badass, unless it's a song about Lord of the Rings. That was just weird.

In other Revenge of the Fallen news, lead female hot girl Megan Fox is on the cover of the new issue of Empire. So here's that too. At least that may add some more meat to this pretty anemic post.

Tom Welling Will Never Wear The Superman Suit

Tom Welling will never wear the Superman suit? At least not on Smallville. Fucking lame.

“It would be the end of the show because that would be when Smallville would end and Superman would begin,” says Al Gough, series co-creator.

I understand that the series has always been about Clark Kent becoming Superman, and not him being Superman. It is kind of annoying that Clark refuses to fly and that he's still dealing with pretty low rent villains a lot of the time. It's cool to see them bring in characters like Bizzaro and a lot of the Justice League guys but Clark's getting older, and this world needs it's hero.

Also, evedently the romance between Lois and Clark will never happen on the show either because of the franchiese film restrictions placed on the show. That's kind of lame too, but I'd still rather see Clark suit up then make out with Lois.

So Millar and Gough have said that the only possibility for Clark to get his Superman gear on is if it were in the final scenes of the final episode. I think that would be a great way to end the show. Most of the principle actors have left and the show doesn't seem to have the punch that it used to. Let the show go out on top. Have Clark suit up and fly away. There could be no better end to Smallville.

Dirty Little Rabbits: Simon

Dirty Little Rabbits is the new side project of Slipknot's Shawn Crahan. The band wasn't created to replace Slipknot for Crahan, just to give him a different outlet to create music. Rather than forming another metal band, Dirty Little Rabbits is a little more arthouse. There are some heavier beats, but for the most part, it's fairly pop grooving guitars and melodic vocals.

The Rabbits is fronted by Stella Katsoudas. Stella has had a roller coaster of a musical career. Starting off in the Chicago music scene, Stella has done backing vocals for bands like Ministry and Chemlab. She also fronted her band Sister Soleil through two albums. Afterwords she dipped her toes into the waters of pop pinup princess with her Stella Soleil re-invention. Upon that missed mark, Stella, living in LA worked with a few other bands before being contacted by old friend Crahan to front the Rabbits. Sister Soleil and Slipnot used to play a lot of shows together.

So, that's some hefty back story. Let's get into this album. Released in early 2009, Simon, is the Rabbits second ep, following 2007's Breeding. It's a 6 track ep that starts with a pretty moody instrumental track. The second song is You Say, kind of a bluesy dirge that has a nice use of organ to help set the mood. Stella's dark and brooding delivery of the lyrics is really well done and takes the track in a nice direction. Following is what could be considered the single, the track Hello. This song to me almost sounds like the phone conversation between Crahan and Stella when he phoned her to become the singer for Dirty Little Rabbits. That's just how it sounds to me. Then we have by far the worst song on the album, I'm So Beautiful. This song just isn't good. It seems like a backlash from Stella over being almost a pop princess. The lyrics are laughable at points (I've got OJ's lawyers and they love me!) and her delivery is a little too loopy and over the top. You hated being a pop princess, we get it. The album ends with two good but not overly standout tracks Happy and Same Mistakes.

While I do like the album overall, I kind of miss the vocal depth that Stella displayed in Sister Soleil. Musically the album is pretty solid and lyrically it only really seems to derail on that one song. Sure for a six track ep that's pretty substantial, but I don't really mind. This is a good album overall and I enjoy it much more than I did seeing the band live. I hadn't heard the music at the time and I'm not sure that I got it. So join the ever growing following and pick up The Dirty Little Rabbits Simon ep. It's not the future of music, but it's entertaining, and that's all it needs to be.

ROTKÄPPCHEN: The Blood Of Red Riding Hood

ROTKÄPPCHEN: The Blood of Red Riding Hood will be the child of writer and director Harry Sparks. His plan is to take the Red Riding Hood story and update it for adults.

“I’ve wanted to make a movie about Red Riding Hood for a while, but I wanted to take a different approach than what has been done before. There have been animated cartoons, musicals and more family-friendly versions, but I wanted to make one for adults. Something that was scary, but also addressed the sexual themes in the story. Fundamentally, ‘Red Riding Hood’ is about sexual awakening; it’s about this journey of a girl becoming a woman. I wanted to explore that aspect and not water it down. And if that meant getting an NC-17 rating instead of an R, then so be it.” Sparks tells Fangoria.

Stefanie Geils will star as Rose. She's a German born kid who comes over to the states to stay with her grandmother (Betty Biehler). Obviously when she starts going to school she's the odd one out. She finds security in an old book of fairy tales. Cool. Then she makes friends with Summer (Sativa Verte) and Nick (Phil Gibson) the popular and hot guy starts to notice her, which pisses off Bridgette (Nicole Leigh Vuono) his girlfriend. Around this time a big wolf starts killing off the people of the town.

Wow, that sound's really cool. I've always loved the old Brothers Grimm style stories and think that new adaptations of them are exciting. Plus grown up sexy fairy tales are hot. Here's the teaser trailer for the film. Sparks hopes to be done with the movie in May.

Twilight Thougths

So, I am well aware that I'm coming in midswing on this whole Twilight phenomenon. But I just watched the first film and figured I'd weigh my thoughts. Now, I've never read the books, only seen the first movie, so keep that in mind.

What the fuck. So someone watched Angel and decided that it was a pretty cool concept but needed even more tweening up and made Twilight, right? This random chick that moves to town falls for the weird, handsome and rich guy who know one really knows. He falls for her. He's a vampire and she doesn't care. Why would she. She's in highschool and he's handsome and rich and kind of popular. That's all that matters. She doesn't even care that his head looks like a toe. Seriously, it does.

So in this world, vampires can go out during the day. But only when it's overcast. Not cause the sun makes them burst into holy flames, but because they glitter like my gay friends at a glitter party in direct sunlight. What? God damned your eternal soul and to punish you, he made you shiny? Sure. He supposedly sent his only son to earth do die for our sins and smites sin, but if you are undead and live against him, you're shiny. Obviously.

Did I hate this movie as much as I expected to? Not really. I really planned on hating it. And I only kind of did. It's not a vampire movie. It's kind of a full of itself, sort of dumbed down love story. It just happens to deal with really lame vampires that are way too in touch with their feelings. But here's what I like about it; it kind of deals with vampires and in turn is making them popular again. That's great. I don't hate pop culture enough that I hate when things I like are brought into the mainstream. I'm happy about it, cause usually that predicates cooler and better things that I like. So that's why I'm not miserable that Twilight was made and is huge right now.

If you're a horror fan, or over 17, don't expect much from this movie. Just appreciate it's success and wait for the wave of decent vampire stuff to hit. I'm hoping the trend stays. Until then, I think that the next film hits this November. Maybe there'll be a good vampire movie before then.

Sorority Row Trailer

Just recently the trailer for Sorority Row came out. I think this movie looks kind of interesting. It's about a bunch of sorority girls who, upon finding out that some dude cheated on one of them, decide to fuck with him by faking a death. Well, that doesn't seem to work out so well and the faked death gets a lot less fake. They seem to have gotten away with it until after graduation, a mystery killer starts hunting the five girls and anyone else who might know their dark secret.

It's a remake of House on Sorority Row and directed by Stewart Hendler. The film is looking to drop on October 2nd. Sure the trailer is a touch I Know What You Did Last Summer, but it's been long enough, those wounds have healed. And who knows, it looks pretty good overall. Here's the trailer so you can form your own opinions.

SORORITY ROW trailer in HD

A Fireside Chat with Michael Myers After a Long Day of Killing

Evidently Tyler Mane, Rob Zombie's Michael Myers didn't like being left out of the Scout Taylor-Compton video from the Halloween 2: The Devil Walks Among Us set. So he did what Lloyd Kaufman would do and made his own damn video. This is actually kind of funny. Don't expect a lot though. It's called "A Fireside Chat With Michael Myers After a Long Day of Killing."

Fireside Chat with Michael Myers after a long day of Killing

The Return Of Edgar Frog

The Lost Boys 3 is in the works. Warner Premiere's direct to DVD film will be penned by Evan Charnov, long time television writer.

The best new's I've heard in a long time is that Corey Feldman will return as both executive producer and to reprise the role of fan favorite, Edgar Frog. The early word is, no longer will Frog be a side character, but this Lost Boys will focus on the vampire hunter himself. Super fucking cool.

In unhappy Corey news, it sounds like Corey Haim will, again, have nothing to do with this film. Looks like Sam Emerson is still relegated to deleted scenes and the cutting room floor.

Where The Wild Things Are

Amazing childrens book, Where the Wild Things Are is being turned into a live action film. But I'm sure you already knew that. To the right is the one sheet for the movie, currently looking at a October 16th release.

Warner Brothers is behind the Spike Jonze film, and man has it been a rollercoaster. Extensive reshoots, re-editing and reworking in general have pushed the release back time and time again. Word is from people who have seen early screenings of the film in progress say that it's a pretty dark and creepy film. That is in it's current form. October 16th is still a good ways off, and with the studio wanting to take it one direction and Jonze wanting a different one, it could become a watered down kids film before it hits theaters.

Let's hope not of course. This has the potential to be ridiculously cool. Fight em, Spike. Fight the shit out of em. Make the movie we all want you to. I'm looking forward to it.

Behind the Scenes with Scout Tayor-Compton

Rob Zombie's Laurie Strode, Scout Tayor-Compton has been nice enough to post a six minute behind the scenes video straight from Halloween 2: The Devil Walks Among Us. Thanks Scout. Camera's are rolling hard on this on and we're still looking at an August 28th release. Here you go. You're welcome...

March 17th, 2009; Chicago

You know how you can tell I'm back from my birthday trip? New posts on The Nothing Files. That's right, bastards, I went to Chicago to turn 30 on St. Patrick's Day, and I fucking made it back, to tell the tale.

Chicago has the second highest Irish population in the US, so it's for good reason that The History Channel says that no city in the world celebrates St. Patrick's Day near to the extent Chicago does (sorry Boston, I just write what I hear). But I'm not talking about dying the river green and throwing up on cops with more of an Irish heritage than you've got. I'm talking about what I did.

And what I did was rock the fuck out. We started at a pretty cool Irish bar called Pint for drinks and dinner. Lots of Harp and corned beef with boiled cabbage. Good food and a really nice waitstaff. Felt like a good St. Patrick's Day bar. Then we were off to the main event. Flogging Molly, live. Shit yea. I've seen them before, but never on the biggest Irish holiday in America. This was the culmination of their Green 17 tour. Hitting up the states and counting down to St. Patrick's. They didn't leave much behind, tearing through their songs at full tilt. Some of the songs they said they hadn't played in 8 or more years, but they still played most of the fan favorites and the hits. It was a great show at a packed house where everyone came to give it their all, get hammered and rock. Chicago, you did a damn fine job. I'm proud of ya.

The day after I managed to kick reality into my soaked head to check out The Field Museum. They have a really hip exhibit on Pirates, and if you're in the area between now and Oct. 25th, I highly recommend you check it out.

Well, I'm 30 now, so you can't trust anything I say, but at least I left my 20's with a hell of a roar. I'll leave you with a video I found from that show. The sound quality is shite, but you'll get the overall impression. Cheers.

Henry Rollins Joins FX's Sons Of Anarchy

If there's one thing I love to see, it's Henry Rollins working. Be it as your trainer in a hip hop fighting video game, or as Coach in Feast, I'm just a big fan.

Imagine my elation in finding out that Rollins is going to do a six episode run in a show I've never seen! FX's Sons Of Anarchy is evidently a motorcycle club drama. Ok. Sounds weird. Rollins will be an antagonist to the show's biker club, based in Charming, California. Good luck Rollins. Fuck em up good for me.

For those of you that never seem to know about anything cool, Henry Rollins is the former singer of seminal punk band Black Flag, and later frontman of Rollins Band. He has been in multiple movies and recently hosted The Henry Rollins Show. He also has a radio program, Harmony in My Head, on Indie 103.1. He is a prolific live speaker, and if you've never seen him, there's a good chance he'll be speaking at a college near you soon.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Remake Fan Trailer

There is so much hype out there over who's gonna be the next Freddy Kruger, it's nuts. People are falling all over themselves trying to get an audition for the role. I think that's why we haven't heard from Mikey in so long. I hear he hopped a train, California bound. Good luck little buddy, I just hope he's not planing on making the whole trip in that Lion-O costume.

Anyway, some well motivated fans, namely Christopher Johnson IV, Robert Depp and their crew, have gone all the way of making a trailer for the remake. Kind of their take on what it they'd like to see. It's way cool and innovative. I love that Freddy is on fire all the time, and that his blades are white hot. It's a cool reimagining, but don't expect that kind of creativity from Platinum Dunes. I'm sure that they don't want to mess to much with what people think Freddy is. So check out there trailer, it'll hold you over until more Nightmare news surfaces.

Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles

Hello, gamefans. By now I'm sure you're mired in the survival horror beauty that is Resident Evil 5. And sure, it's great and fun now, but come this winter, it's probably going to be getting a little old. Well, fear not RE fans, as long as you own a Nintendo wii, there is another Resident Evil game in the pipeline and heading your way. Capcom has announced the next chapter in the franchise; Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles. It's the followup to the other exclusive wii shooter, Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles. Sweet. Here's the trailer...

Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles (Wii)
Uploaded by planetnintendoit

Orphan One Sheet and Trailer

Orphan will be the new film by Jaume Collet-Serra (House of Wax). Originally titled The Orphan, the new shortened named film follows a family who lose an unborn child and decide to adopt an older child to fill the void. They already have a couple of kids, but with adoption being so popular with celebrities, they want to jump on board.

They encounter a strange young girl named Esther and decide that she is the replacement child they so desperately need. The more Esther is around the family the more the mother starts to notice her strange behavior. Thing seem to go south pretty quickly with Esther around. Next thing you know, Esther is fucking with everyone.

This movie looks pretty cool and I'm looking forward to it. Looks to be genuinely scary and has a cool premise. Also it appears to show why no one should ever adopt.

Check it out for yourself, the trailer for Orphan.

Margot Kidder Added to Halloween - The Devil Walks Among Us

Rob Zombie has made another H2 announcement.

"Margot Kidder has joined Halloween - The Devil Walks Among Us as Laurie Strode's therapist Barbara Collier," says Zombie on his official blog.

Kidder is best known probably as Lois Lane from the original Superman movies but also has done some quality work in horror. She appeared in both Black Christmas and The Amityville Horror.

You'll also notice the name of the movie seems to have changed. Zombie, no longer calling it H2, refers to it as Halloween - The Devil Walks Among Us. Good. H2 is a shitty name and way to close to H20. But Halloween - The Devil Walks Among Us is pretty cool. So with a new name change and Kidder joining the cast, things are looking up in Haddonfield.

Marriott Cock Squat

Today a gift. From me to you. Enjoy dear readers. I think of you. Shhhh. Hush now. You're welcome. 

New Nothing Files Podcast on iTunes

What's up, sinners? There is now a new podcast available on iTunes. In this one Nick and Thom look at the Friday the 13th franchise, House of the Dead: Overkill, The Lost and Damned, Slayer, Rob Zombie, and about anything else that pops in their head. It's like these guys don't have a filter. Seriously. But this one makes up for the debacle that was the Valentine's Day Special. Anyway, head on over to iTunes, search for "The Nothing Files" under podcasts and hit subscribe. You won't regret it. Or you might. But we'll never tell. Pervert.

Thom's Review of Watchmen

I’ve watched the Watchmen. Fuck. Are you tired of every review starting like that or what? I am. But I thought it would be funny and kind of sadistic to start out my analysis like that, so fuck off. So what did I think?

Well, here’s one thing I thought when I was watching the movie, people are going to be pissed. And by people I mean the general populace, the proletariat who have been weaned on the tit of The Dark Knight, Iron Man, and Spider-man. These oblivious but well meaning people, who have never heard the name Alan Moore, much less the Roman snake god, Glycon (who Moore worships) are going to be pissed. They are walking in the theater to see a super hero flick, where good and bad are easily definable, and good always triumphs evil but they’re going to see Watchmen instead. It’s actually kind of funny. As the Comedian said in the beginning of the movie, “It’s all a joke.” But the joke’s on John Q. Public, because the man from where this source material sprung, worships a snake god named Glycon and he sees super-heroics and fascism as walking hand in hand. In other words, this ain’t fucking Batman.

The movie Watchmen and the graphic novel of Watchmen are amazingly similar. Concessions were made, but few. It is a ridiculously close adaptation of the source material. And Watchmen is more about ideas than action. In fact almost all the Watchmen at the beginning of the film are retired. They have either quit or been forced out by the Keene Act (a law that prohibits masked vigilantism). Rorschach, the fan favorite, is the only hold out. So we, as the audience, are asked to care about a bunch of has-beens basically, as they reminisce about sunnier days. So cue up the flashbacks. And that is a device that the film and the graphic novel use. A lot. Except for Doctor Manhattan, his story is told a bit different. He experiences all time at once, so he may be talking about the future or the present in a flashback or the past or the future in the present or the past in the future. You might see where one could get confused. You really need to pay attention. But that is one of the two big complaints I’ve been hearing about the film from people who’ve never read Watchmen. That it’s confusing. And it is. There is no doubt. I remember the first time I read the graphic novel in the early nineties. I was clueless as to what was happening. I liked it, but I was clueless. I actually enjoyed it more the second time I read it. But that actually begs the question, should Watchmen have been adapted to film in the first place? I mean, the source material is dense, and in this age of DVRs, and Youtube, and high-speed internet and short attention spans, is there really an audience for such material? I’d like to think there is but I don’t know. People like to see shit blow up.

Which leads me to the second, and again completely legitimate, complaint I’ve heard from people who’ve seen the movie but not read the book. There’s not enough action in it. And once again this is completely true. It’s the Watchmen. There wasn’t a lot of action in the book. It wasn’t about that. I actually think there is more action in the film. But this was sold as an action/ superhero movie. The image used over and over in all the commercials is Nite Owl dropping out of his ship, cape all aflutter, onto some rain slicked city street. It all looks very dynamic and exciting. But he is dropping down to stop the Comedian from firing on American citizens who are protesting vigilante justice. The Nite Owl asks what happened to the American dream. And the Comedian responds, it came true. So yeah. Dark. People were most likely expecting the Nite Owl to be stopping a bank robbery from that shot. And that’s not what Watchmen is. In other words, this ain’t fucking Batman.

Watchmen is about a bunch of amoral and apathetic people whose fetish is power and like to play dress up. It’s a story where Superman is a military weapon, Batman can’t get a boner, and Wonder Woman has mommy issues. It looks at what kind of person you would have to be to dress up in costume to stop bad guys. And Alan Moore (and the Watchmen movie) postulates that it would be a very fucked up individual indeed. The person who does it mostly for the right reasons, and that is to fight evil and protect the innocent, is Nite Owl and he is portrayed as a weak, pot bellied, middle-aged sad, man. He lives in the past, having weekly beer sessions with the first Nite Owl, talking about the past. You get the sense that he wanted to change the world by donning a costume and the costume changed him. He’s never had an adult relationship and he’s impotent unless he’s wearing a latex superhero suit. This man is the closest thing to a protagonist in the Watchmen. This is the Watchmen’s Peter Parker. This is our Bruce Wayne. So in other words, this ain’t fucking Batman.

And thank Glycon that Watchmen isn’t Batman. I have Batman, thank you very much, and it is good. Now I have Watchmen and it is great. This is the film I wanted. This is the film I had hoped for but didn’t think any studio exec in their right mind would green light. This is an almost literal translation of the kinkiest and most sadistic superhero comic of all time. Yes they changed the end, but the horrific conclusion our “heroes” come up with to save the world with is basically the same. If Stanley Kubrick was still alive and he made a comic book movie, it feels like this would be it. Zach Snyder is now one of the elite directors I’ll be watching for years to come. He very likely could become this generation’s Spielberg. He has that much talent. Every frame of this film is a love letter and a tribute to Alan Moore’s and Dave Gibbons phenomenal and game changing work. This is a movie I never thought I’d see. And seen it I have. And I’m still trying to wrap my mind around that. I really did absolutely love it. It is it’s own thing, which is all too rare these days. It’s part deconstruction (Dr. Manhattan), part satire (that owl ship love seen a lot of people seem not to get), but it is all Watchmen. And it feels like it was made just for me. Not for the general populace, but just for me. I loved it but I can’t say I recommend it. At least not if you’re looking for a wham bam, thank you m’am, superhero movie, because that’s not what you’re going to get. But if you’re looking for a movie about ideas and sub text, that is beautifully shot, and will have your friends and you discussing it for days (I know my friends and I have and I’m not even beginning to tire of it), then maybe the Watchmen is for you. And if it’s not, there’s always fucking Batman.

Batman: Arkham Asylum

MTV's got the new trailer for Batman: Arkham Asulym, and we're posting it here for you. This game looks great. But see for yourself.

MTV Shows

Red Sonja on Hold... Again

The Robert Rodriguiz helmed Red Sonja is on hold again. The first delay came from Rodriguiz wanting to do his own draft of the script. Now it's because it's star, Rose McGowan had to have arm surgery last month.

“I can’t even hold a fork right now, so I have to keep doing my physical therapy and work up to my sword,” said McGowan at the opening night of 33 Variations.

So it'll probably still be some time before McGowan is recovered and principal filming of Red Sonja can start.

In other McGowan news, rumors are running around that she may have a part in Sin City 2. Filmmakers are thinking of her to play Ava Lord in the movie. That could be cool. So, McGowan's currently on the shelf, but it looks like she's still going to be doing some movies I'd like to see.

Mickey Rourke & Scarlett Johansson In Iron Man 2

Sure, Mickey Rourke should probably have won best actor this year, but I'm sure given the choice between the two, you'd rather look at a picture of Scarlett Johansson with this post. If not, you're insane.

Anyway, it's come out that Rourke and Johansson have been conformed for Iron Man 2. Rourke will be "Russian Villain" which is more likely than not Whiplash. The almost best actor winning actor has long been sought for the role, but was getting low-balled for the movie, and all hope looked lost. Well, seems like Marvel wised up and realised that one of the things that made Iron Man so good was the strength of its actors. So looks like Mick is getting payed and doing the role. Rourke was also being considered for the villain of Spiderman 4, which would have more than likely been Kraven. Too, bad, that would have been cool, but Spiderman 3 did me so dirty I'd rather see a new Iron Man.

Also, Johansson will be taking the role of Black Widow. Emily Blunt was long the favorite for the role but was unable to take the job. Johansson, a comic book movie vet, was their second pick, and she's in. I'm really ok with that.

So, Iron Man 2 is sounding better and better all the time. The movie is currently expected in theaters on May 7th, 2010. Also look for Thor on June 17th 2011, Captain America on July 22nd 2011, Spiderman 4 on May 6th 2011 and The Avengers on May 4th 2012. It's gonna be a busy few years for Marvel Studios, but I can't wait to see what they do with it.

The Economy Effects Everyone. Even Lexcorp.

So it would seem that even super villains aren't immune to the troubled economy.  Even Lexcorp.  In this video, they appeal to the government for a bailout.  It is hilarious.  Funny or die is still one of the best websites out there.

"Lex Luthor Bailout" with Jon Hamm from Jon Hamm

Steven King's IT

I talk to a lot of my friends about what remake they would like to see.  And more often then not, I hear Steven King's It.  That 1990 miniseries brought kids in and freaked them the fuck out.  Especially since it was an ABC miniseries.  

Well, here you have it.  It is being brought to a big screen near you.  Lin Pictures and Vertigo Entertainment are producing the Dave Kajgnich scripted adaptation of the popular Steven King book.

For those of you who don't know the book, it follows a group of adults, who as children were known as the Losers Club.  As children they encounter a creature only known as It, who prefers to appear as a sadistic clown.  As adults they are forced to battle the creature again.  It kicks ass.

Originally in the miniseries, Tim Curry played the clown Pennywise.  I wouldn't expect that in the new one, although, I'm sure he'd love the work.  I really am looking forward to seeing what they do with this.  That miniseries scarred the hell out of me as a kid.  Hope they can do it again.  

Lucas Casting Live Action Star Wars Show

It has come out that Lucas has begun casting on his long awaited live action Star Wars TV show. Unfortunately unlike I'd heard before, there will be no Jedi and no Vader in this show. That's from what I've read so far. The premise of the show will be following early rebels and the beginning of the rebellion. The show will take place between the events of Episode III And Episode IV.

Rose Byrne said of the show during a Nic Cage junket that “A lot of my friends have been auditioning for it.”

Awesome. I've been waiting for this show for years. Admittedly when I first heard about it, it was going to be following a few Jedi that escaped order 66 and the adventures they have around the galaxy, fighting to stay alive, but this sounds great too. I love that there is more filmed Star Wars action going forward. Even though we've heard no Vader so far, that doesn't mean no Boba Fett. Come on. You don't even need the actor. It's a guy in a suit. Give me Fett.

Casting News From Whedon's The Cabin In The Woods

Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard's new fright film, The Cabin in the Woods, has some new members. Already known were Richard Jenkins (Six Feet Under) and Bradley Whitford (Little Manhattan, Kate and Leopold).

Recent annoucements add Kristne Connoly (Pictured left, The Happening), Anna Hutchison (Power Rangers Jungle Fury; Yellow Cheetah Ranger), Chris Hemsworth (Star Trek Remake), Fran Kranz (Dollhouse) and Jesse Williams (Dollhouse).

“Each of the ‘kids’ is unique, fascinating and talented, and like true friends, the group is more than the sum of its parts. These are people you care about, able to go toe to toe with the amazing actors we've corralled thus far, and not unpretty in the bargain. I can't wait to harm them,” says Goddard of the ensemble.

The movie is under a similar veil of secrecy as Cloverfield was. Another Goddard scripted Film. The move is slated for a February 5th, 2010 release.

Another Familar Voice in Revenge of the Fallen

While old school transformers fans were happy to hear that Peter Cullen would again be the voice of Optimus Prime in Michael Bay's Transformers film, some of us were sad that original Megatron voice, Frank Welker, was not in the film.

Hugo Weaving did the much less screechy and more menacing voice of the live action movie's Megatron. I'll even say that I liked the job he did.

But old school fans rejoice. Megatron wasn't the only voice from the cartoon that Welker did. In Revenge of the Fallen, we're going to be introduced to a bunch of new Autobots and Decepticons, among them the evil Soundwave. Welker also did his voice for the cartoon and Bay is talking about trying to get him to reprise the voice roll.

I know it's kind of cheezy, but I grew up watching the Transformers a lot as a kid, and even though they look a lot different in these new movies, it was so cool to hear Optimus sound like I remembered. I'm looking forward to the same geek joy with Soundwave. I'm sure it will be way too much action, but I really can't wait for this film to drop.

The Watchmen Cartoon

As pissed as we all know that Alan Moore is that the Watchmen movie was made, at least this cartoon is a joke. I'm sure that would put him over the edge. That said, this is wicked funny. I don't know who made it, but it cracks me up. He's some animated Watchmen goodness to help you keep the week going.

Fantastic Four Reboot

As you know, comic book movies are huge right now. With films like Iron Man and The Dark Knight Returns redefining what a superhero film can be, Hollywood is cranking out comic based films both popular and obscure. The Fantastic Four already have had 2 films made recently, with a good special effects and wide theatrical release. Problem is, they kind of suck.

There was a lot wrong with those films, especially Dr. Doom, but you all know that, and I don't want to spend your time or mine talking about what worked and what didn't. Fans of the Fantastic Four will be happy to hear that FOX is talking about rebooting the entire franchise.

They want to make the films "less bubble gum" and follow more in the vein of Iron Man. That could be really cool. I've always kind of liked the F4 but really liked them less after the way too family friendly poorly written films. I think if some different actors were plugged in and the movie was given a better treatment, I could get behind them again. Hell, they re-booted the Hulk basically with a sequel, and it was way way better than the first piece of crap they tried to slap the Hulk name on.

Two things that would make me happy about a F4 reboot. Make Dr. Doom cool again. He was one of the coolest Marvel villans. Do not link his origin to that of the F4. Second; I wouldn't mind seeing Michael Chiklis as the Thing again. I think he was good in the role. He was just given shitty dialogue and way too campy movies. But I'd give him another shot. Not that he'd probably do it. But change the makeup a bit. As The Dark Knight taught us, more edgy can be better. Anyway, that's just my two cents. We'll keep you posted on where this one is headed.

Myers New Mask From H2? UPDATE!

This is the first I've seen of a sculpt from the new H2 movie of Michale Myers mask. This beauty is available at http://www.thepropshop.com/ and here's what they have to say about it;

Our Psychopath H2 mask is based on Toth's sculpt for the new Halloween due out in Aug. Our H2 mask is the most detailed mask we've ever offered! Screen accurate sculpt, paint and hair. Each mask is signed and comes with a certificate of authenticity. Very limited, 100% hand made, not mass produced.

Well, as you may recall at the end of the first Halloween, Laurie appeared to blow Michael's head clean off. Could be why there's some significant forehead rips and a good deal of blood on the mask. It's hard to say if this mask will be the film version or not. Haven't heard it directly from Rob so I'm reticent to say that it's true, but the mask does look like a haggered version of the first mask, so maybe.

See, there we go. It's now coming out that The Prop Shop is using some colorful wording and that the mask is not based on Toth's sculpt as the information says. Fuck. So who knows. Maybe it'll look like this. Probably not. Still a cool looking mask though.

Who Watches The Watchmen?

Who Watches The Watchmen? A lot of people... Just not quite as many as expected.

The Watchmen enjoyed the highest theatrical release ever for an R-rated film. Releasing on 3,611 theaters domestically. All that seating room set the Watchmen up to make around $55.7 million on it's opening weekend. While that's pretty huge, it doesn't top director Zach Snyder's previous film, 300, which made $70.9 million on it's opening weekend. Overseas the film has brought in an estimated $27.5 million. Not a bad weekend at all.

While Warner Bros had hoped to top the numbers of 300, that's hard to do with a more esoteric story and in a more strained economy. The Watchmen is the first tentpole move of 2009, with Wolverine, Star Trek, HP6 and Transformers 2 on the not so distant horizon. It's going to be a good summer to be a movie fan.

Nick Has Watched The Watchmen

Normally on this site, we have only one of us review a movie, but with all the hype about this one, I think we're gonna break format. I'm going to write this one, and I know Thom has one in the works too. Hell, I think Mikey is gonna write one also. But here it is, my thoughts on the Watchmen.

To start out, I never thought this film would be made. Previous attempts to film Alan Moore stories ended up not doing very well at the box office and with all the subplots and nuance to the Watchmen, I just didn't think they could do it. That said, I'm gonna try to limit my parallels to the comic to a minimum. If you need to have read the comic to enjoy the movie, they've already failed. While I have read the book, and love the shit out of it, you can't expect your average ticket buyer to shell out money before hand to read a book that the movie they're about to watch is based on. If that's the case, just get the comic.

The Watchmen is huge. Larger than life. It's set in the mid-80's, and Nixon is in his third term. Though it's only mentioned briefly, costumed superheros are outlawed by the Keene act, leaving only the Comedian and Dr. Manhattan allowed by the government to be superheros. The rest have retired. From the original Minutemen, only the Comedian is still active. He is basically if there was really a Captain America and he stood for the things America stands for. He's crazy and loves fighting and killing. He shot a hooker in Viet Nam cause she was having his baby and the war was over. She also cut his face, but it's not hard to imagine that he would have killed her anyway. He's on the government payroll and the movie begins with him getting killed. Enter Rorschach. Fan favorite. Psycho. The movie is pretty much told from pages from his journal. He is the only costumed avenger still active illegally. He doesn't give a shit about the government, just stopping criminals. In the course of the film, he is arrested and sent to jail while trying to find out who killed the Comedian. The Nightowl is actually the second Nightowl and he is retired. He really is just a sad fuck who doesn't seem to have much going on. Then there's the Silk Specter, again, the second one. The Comedian tried to rape her mom back in the day, and she starts the film as the girlfriend of Dr. Manhattan. Manhattan is the only superhero with actual powers. He's pretty much a god. He perceives time at any point he wishes. He can teleport himself and others wherever he wants and can blow you up by waving his hand at you. He is hard core. Then there's the Silk Specter. She pretty much just seems to sleep with any superhero she can. Ozymandias is also a former Watchman. He is the smartest man on Earth, and is in very little of the movie. Smart people are evidently boring.

Ok, that's the characters. Think describing them took me awhile, well, the movie is two hours and forty five minutes long. That was nothing.

Silk Specter leaves Dr. Manhattan because he can't relate with people anymore and starts fucking the Nightowl. Well, he can't fuck her until he starts wearing his costume again, because he's a sad fuck. So Nightowl and Silk Specter start costuming up and fighting crime again. Dr. Manhattan is so kind of sad that Silk Specter left him he goes to Mars to live on a giant floating watch thing. All the while he is flashing back to the past. Nightowl and Silk Specter decide they need to bust Rorschach out of jail, because even though he's crazy, he's the only one that can figure out what's going on or something. So they do that. Then everyone ends up at Ozymandias' place where he fights them, then tells them that he's gonna blow up a bunch of major cites, making it look like Manhattan did it. You see, the US and Russia are close to nuclear war, and the only way towards peace is to create a threat to the world. He blows up a bunch of citys. Dr. Manhattan says he has to leave Earth and go be a god on another planet. Silk Specter and Nightowl seem to be able to keep the secret that Ozymandias blew up the citys not Manhattan, therefore keeping the illusion alive. Rorschach cannot keep the secret. Dr. Manhattan blows him the fuck up.

That's the movie. Now I did like it. There were defiantly things about the comic I liked a bunch more, but again, this is about the movie. I didn't like the Silk Specter or Nightowl very much. I just thought the characters that played them were emotionless and kind of flat. They also had the most awkward sex scene ever. It was hard to watch. Just seemed weird. And there is a fuck ton of male nudity. Dr. Manhattan's big blue dick is flopping all over this film. True to the source material, but kind of strange to deal with. I want them to do the movie in 3D and the only thing that jumps out at you is Dr. Manhattan's cock. That would be really funny and not far from the film currently. I thought Rorschach was awesome, and he had one of the best character archs, even though he didn't change at all. He seems like the most crazy of them all at the beginning, but at the end, seems like the only sane one left. Ozymandias seems fairly poncy but also an amazingly good fighter.

Again, at the end of the day I enjoyed the movie for what it was. I think the biggest problem it will have stems from how it was marketed. All the trailers painted it as a superhero movie, and it's really not. It's a drama/satire featuring retired superheros. You see the trailers and it's all fighting and Dr. Manhattan blowing people up and you think "holy shit" this is gonna be off the hook. Nope. That's not the real story. I think a lot of people who haven't read the book are going to look at it as a standard superhero film. A group of masked avengers that fight some kind of evil. That's not really it. And I'm afraid that that's going to turn a lot of people off. Most moviegoers don't go to a comic book movie for nuance and thought provoking themes. They want crazy special effects and action. So, I hope I'm wrong, I just don't know that it has a lot of mass appeal. Sure, opening weekend was huge, but this movie got more press than a domestic visit from the Pope.

At the end of the day, I'm glad I saw it. I hope you do too. Only, if you haven't read it, go in with an open mind. That's all I ask. The Watchmen is still a good and entertaining movie, just be aware of what you're getting into.

Morena Baccarin To Join Cast of Remade V

Morena Baccarin, the amazing Inara from Firefly, is coming back to TV. Sadly it's not because FOX realized the world needs more Firefly, or even that they gave Inara a spinoff show set in the same universe, Angel style. It's because Morena has been added to the cast of ABC's remake of the 1983 miniseries V.

Scott Wolf and Morris Chestnut are also on board, but Morena will be playing the alien leader. I haven't heard if the aliens in this one are still going to be lizard pseudo-Nazis or not or more Battlestar Galactica, you can't tell if they're Cylon or human aliens. From what I remember of V I thought it was pretty cool when I was young. Hell, remakes are huge. You knew it had to be in the pipeline somewhere.

I'd wager this one is probably going to air in the fall if the pilot is a success. Always good to see Firefly alum working.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Well, with such a big movie like the Watchmen just coming out, I thought it was important to not overlook other films that might get passed over in its wake. So I went to see Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li...

What a piece of shit. Look at the fucking poster. The fighting cut out isn't even of Chun-Li fighting someone. It's some random dude. It's not even her master, he had long hair. And it's not like it's some generic two guys fighting. One of them is Vega, a standout from the game, and he's in the movie, and the only person he ever gets hit by is Chun-Li. What the fuck?

So the poster aside, let's talk about this film. Andrzej Bartkowiak (director; Doom, Exit Wounds, Romeo Must Die) directed the film, and though I've never seen Doom, I have seen Romeo Must Die and it was a pretty cool kung fu film. Chun-Li is played by Kristen Kreuk and from seeing most of Smallville to date, I had a pretty good idea that she could do an action scene or two. Ok, she doesn't look wicked Asian like the Chun-Li I remember from the video games, but whatever. Also in this is Chris Klein (American Pie) as INTERPOL agent Charlie Nash. More on him later. Michael Clarke Duncan plays Balrog and Neal McDonough (I Know Who Killed Me, Flags of Our Fathers) is main bad guy Bison.

The film starts with Chun-Li as a small girl who's marshal artist father wants her to be a concert piano player. Then one day she starts practicing wushu with him and decides that along with her love of piano, she loves to kick ass too. Then one day Balrog and Bison show up at her house and kick the shit out of her dad, kidnapping him. She gets this weird scroll that tells her to abandon her life and seek Gen to find her vengeance or something. Maybe it's just to find her path. Whatever. So she leaves her house after her mother dies and travels to Bangkok in search of Gen. He trains her a bit more then teaches her how to make a fucked up pink orb thing by concentrating and throw it at things. Wow. Wushu kicks ass. So she ends up fighting Vega and kicking his ass rather handily, then goes after Bison. A bunch of other shit happens too. Charlie Nash has teemed with local gang police lady Det. Maya Sunee to attempt to take down Bison. Evidently Nash has been chasing Bison for over three years or something and this might be his big chance to get him. Chris Klein gives by far the worst acting in this horribly acted movie. His over-the-top portrayal of a hardened American Interpol agent is laughable throughout most of the film, as is the whole INTERPOL/Gang Cops angle. At one point the Gang Police are taken off the case, presumably because they were putting too much pressure on Bison. But really, by this point they've done nothing but stakeouts. Seriously. Chun-Li and Gen are the only ones who have done anything to Bison's organisation. Nash and Sunee haven't done fuck, but evidently they've scarred Bison enough to use his influence to have them shut down. What the fuck. So Chun-Li has her big showdown with Bison and throws a big pink energy ball at him, then breaks his neck. Turns his fucking head around sideways. Next thing you know, Gen is showing her an add taken out by Bison about a Street Fighter Tournament. Gen wants to go because he's heard about a Japanese kid with promise, Ryu, but Chun-Li wants to get back to her home life for awhile.

What a fucking bad movie. I can't believe this got a theatrical release. It should have been straight to DVD. The acting pretty much sucked and the special effects we're mediocre at best. Chris Klein was ridiculously bad and Kristen Kruek didn't really impress me much either, and she's hot. So unless you're drunk as hell and need a comfortable theater to sleep it off in, stay away from Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. There are enough good movies either out, or coming soon that deserve you're money more than this one.

Here's the trailer, cause why not...