Stuntman Mike's Helpful Hints

Hello Cats and Kittens. Stuntman Mike here with some Halloween pointers. Thom and Nick asked me to give some Halloween costume recommendations. I gotta say those boys are a couple sacks of stupid if they really need help with their costumes, cause as far as I'm concerned there's only one choice of attire for the ladies and only one for the gents. But apparently these guys are a couple of fucktards, so here it goes. Get your notepads out, Nick and Thom. 

Okay, ladies. Your only real choice of Halloween costume is Sexy (BLANK). You see what's important in that last sentence? You got it. The sexy part of it. As far as the (BLANK) goes you can use your left brain. It doesn't really matter. Be a cop. Be a nurse. Be a pirate. Who fucking cares? Just get those jubblies hanging out loud and proud and show plenty of leg. It's Halloween, dolls. Time to get loose.

And now for the men. Your one option is Elvis. Period. 

Happy Halloween and until next time keep the rubber on the road.

All Hell's A Comin'

After years of turmoil and hold ups, Garth Ennis & Steve Dillon's (Vertigo/DC) much praised comic series Preacher will finally be made into a big screen movie! You might have heard some rumblings a few years ago, about a Preacher series for HBO. As cool as that would have been, those talks fell apart and all hope looked lost for Jessie Custer, the fallen preacher possessed by Genesis, the angel/demon hybrid, and his friends. But now Sony has announced that it is going forward with the franchise in a big screen moive, directed by Sam Mendes. I personally can't wait for this movie. This has been one of my favorite comic series for years now, and I'm glad that with the big money being brought in by comic movies, studios are getting more gutsy in their choices of projects. It's great to see non-mainstream comics getting the nod along side your Batman/Iron Man franchises. I'll keep you posted if I hear any more about casting or anything else about this one. I just hope they do justice to The Saint of Killers.

Wrestlemaniacs? Why Not...

So one of the best parts of Halloween is finding horror films for a ridiculously low price. That has been my inspiration for the following review. While Wrestlemaniac has a good trailer, and I am a former fan of pro-wrestling, this is not normally a film that I would pick up. It just looks kind of campy and contrived. Guess what? It more than just looks like that from the packaging.

Wrestlemaniac begins in a familiar way, with a group of young people heading out to film a porno in Mexico. And why the fuck not. Fortunatly, there's a drunk, a pothead and some super horny youth gone wild, ensuring that they will all be dispatched with vigor. Also fortunately for the group another of the characters is a "Mexican" born in Seattle, which happens to be a huge Mexican wrestling fan. Thank fucking God for him, because he's the character that's there to let the audience know what the hell is going on. Now, originally this film was going to be called "The Mexican Porn Massacre". Now that's a movie that I don't care how bad it sucks. And you're telling me that it's the same location where they filmed "Bubba Ho-Tep"? I'll bite.

Jesse Baget writes and directs a cast that is filled with very few recognizable names. Not a bad thing in horror though. The killer, Rey Misterio Sr., is well cast as the insane luchador that waits in his Mexican ghost town for anyone to happen by so that he can kill them, in a sort of wrestling fashion, and tear off their faces. Good for him. The poor group of kids that will fall to the wrestler are Adam Huss (The Bold and the Beautiful, CSI: NY), Margaret Scarborough (Will & Grace, Titus), Jeremy Radin (CSI, Zoey 101), and Leyla Milani (Stacked, Lucky 13 on Deal or No Deal). Yea, there are a couple of others, but they're so fucking ancillary that you almost forgot they were there before their blood has dried. But you can't forget the best, and really only, cameo in the film, Irwin Keys (House of 1000 Corpses, Friday the 13th). He defiantly fills the role of the recognizable face for horror fans in the low budget film you're watching. He's the guy that lends legitimacy.

These kids die so fucking fast that it's hard to even mention. Most of which are dispatched with barely any fight. They're just killed. I guess the best moral of this film is if you're in some creepy Mexican ghost town with a bar named Voorhees, get the fuck out. Especially if you're not the hottest girl in the group. You will be killed with little regard to your career. You probably won't even fight back.

So is this movie even worth it? You're fucking right it is… Kind of. It's not great. It's not even that good. But for a very low budget horror film it's a good effort. They try really hard. There's lots of t and a, some kids you don't give a shit about and it doesn't look terrible on screen. It's a fairly original idea, and it's only one hour and ten minutes long. It would be a good film to have friends over and watch when you're all wasted. Especially if you can find it cheap.

Guitar Hero: WT Commercial

I just saw this new commercial for the new Guitar Hero. It's a pretty funny spoof on Risky Business. Who knew that Kobe, A-Rod, Michael Phelps, and Tony Hawk all hung out together.

The Halloween Podcast is dead aLIVE

Just in time for Halloween, my ghouls, goblins, and creeps, episode 4 of The Nothing Files has dropped on iTunes. In this very special episode, Thom and Nick take a look at the slasher genre of horror films. These creepy kids discuss the Friday the 13th films, the Halloween films, the Nightmare on Elm Street films and much, much more.  Our frightful hosts also give their Halloween album pick. So head over to iTunes and download episode 4 right away. And tell your victims... I mean fiends... I mean friends. And don't forget to join the legion of The Nothing Files Zombies and hit subscribe. Happy Halloween.

The Dark Knight Meets Superman

"What the world needs now, is another angst-y superhero like I need a whole in my head." Okay, maybe those aren't the exact lyrics to that Cracker song, but goddammit  they should be. That said, this is awesome. It's a What If. Like what if Superman flew into Gotham City during "The Dark Knight Returns?" What would Mr. Growly Voice do? It would probably go something like this.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

New Friday the 13th Trailer

A couple days ago I posted some footage from the new Friday the 13th remake. It was kind of victim/ Jason orientated. Well, here's the official teaser trailer and this one has a voice over by Mama Voorhees and it of course, features Jason. It's very well done and gave me goose bumps. The seminal franchises of my youth were Star Wars, the Indiana Jones movies, the James Bond movies, and the Friday the 13th movies. Here's hoping this Friday the 13th movie pulls off it's re-imagining with the aplomb of Casino Royal rather than The Phantom Menace. This trailer gives me hope.

Friday The 13th in HD

New Star Wars MMO Announced

The rumblings in the force were correct. Star Wars: The Old Republic has been announced. Star Wars: The Old Republic is a MMORPG set in the Star Wars universe. What did you say, my creepy little padawan? A Star Wars MMO already exists? Yes, but that one sucks. In fact, I played the first one for about six months. As I’ve said repeatedly, I’m a huge Star Wars nerd, so I endured this Bantha poodoo for as long as I could, hoping it would get better. It never did. Ahh, I remember the carefree days of battling butterflies on Corellia, paying rent on my shit hole hovel on Tatooine, and the moment I realized that 25% of all the characters on my particular server were Twi’lek dancing girls. Yeah. Crap. And creepy. Creepy crap. It definitely didn’t feel like Star Wars. And that’s what this new game needs to do if it hopes to pull people in who might still feel a little jaded from the first one. Hell, in the first Star Wars MMO they didn’t even have spaceships. Who would want space ships in a Star Wars game? You smell that? That was sarcasm I let rip. So is there any hope for Star Wars: The Old Republic? Well actually, yes there is. Quite a lot of hope, in fact. Bioware, the makers of the first Knights of the Republic game, Jade Empire, and Mass Effect are the developers of this particular game. And as you can see, they have quite a pedigree. No word on what platforms this game will be released on yet, but most likely PC. I’m hoping they release on the PS3 or the Xbox 360 as well, as I’m still a firm believer that this is a huge untapped market that could drive both subscriptions and console sales. So for better or worse (and I’m really hoping better, “Save us Bioware, you’re our only hope”), it looks like I’ll be stomping around in the Star Wars universe in the not too distant future. Here’s the official mumbo jumbo:

LucasArts and BioWare, a division of Electronic Arts Inc., today announced the development of Star Wars: The Old Republic, a story-driven massively multiplayer online PC game set in the timeframe of the Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic franchise. Star Wars: The Old Republic, being developed and published by BioWare and LucasArts, represents an innovative approach to interactive entertainment, featuring immersive storytelling, dynamic combat and intelligent companion characters.
In Star Wars: The Old Republic, players will explore an age thousands of years before the rise of Darth Vader when war between the Old Republic and the Sith Empire divides the galaxy. Players can choose to play as Jedi, Sith, or a variety of other classic Star Wars roles, defining their personal story and determining their path down the light or dark side of the Force. Along the way, players will befriend courageous companions who will fight at their side or possibly betray them, based on the players’ actions. Players can also choose to team up with friends to battle enemies and overcome incredible challenges using dynamic Star Wars combat.

"Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic is the most critically acclaimed Star Wars game in LucasArts history and a preeminent example of our company’s interactive storytelling heritage," said Darrell Rodriguez, President of LucasArts. "For a long time, we’ve long wanted to return to the franchise in a grand way, and we felt that the best setting for it was an online world that would allow millions of people to participate in the experience together. We knew that the developer capable of working with us to deliver an engrossing story with a fully-realized online world was BioWare."

"Traditionally, massively multiplayer online games have been about three basic gameplay pillars - combat, exploration and character progression," said Dr. Ray Muzyka, Co-Founder and General Manager/CEO of BioWare and General Manager/Vice President of Electronic Arts Inc., "In Star Wars: The Old Republic, we’re fusing BioWare’s heritage of critically-acclaimed storytelling with the amazing pedigree of Lucasfilm and LucasArts, and adding a brand-new fourth pillar to the equation – story. At the same time, we will still deliver all the fun features and activities that fans have come to expect in a AAA massively multiplayer online game. To top it all off, Star Wars: The Old Republic is set in a very exciting, dynamic period in the Star Wars universe."

Added Dr. Greg Zeschuk, Co-Founder and Vice President Development Operations, BioWare and Vice President, Electronic Arts Inc., "Star Wars: The Old Republic is set roughly 300 years after the events of Knights of the Old Republic, a timeframe that is completely unexplored in the lore. BioWare has been able to add to the Star Wars history in developing the game’s story and has created an overarching narrative that players can enjoy, regardless of their play style. Our goal is to offer players an emotionally rewarding experience that combines the traditional elements of MMO gameplay with innovations in story and character development."

Opie, Richie Cunningham, and the Fonz....

This is great stuff from Ron Howard, Andy Griffith, and Henry Winkler.....

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

The Office Quotes

It’s hard to pinpoint my one favorite show on TV. I can’t name my favorite show ever, and I can’t name my favorite show currently on air. However, I can easily say that The Office (NBC) is not only one of my favorites currently on air, it’s also one of my favorites of all time. As I was watching this week’s episode, I couldn’t help but think that it might be the most quotable show on television. This episode seemed especially quotable, so I thought I’d share the highlights.


Michael on his plans for his impending date -
"In my opinion, the third date is traditionally the one where you’ll have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don’t know, I’ll probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me, I’ll know for sure.”

Dwight on his relationship with Angela -
“She introduced me to so many things: pasteurized milk, sheets, monotheism, presents on your birthday, preventative medicine.”

Kevin and Oscar comparing items that were taken during the overnight office robbery-
Oscar – “Great, they stole my laptop.”
Kevin – “Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.”
Oscar – “How does that even compare”
Kevin – “Oscar, I’m now going to be prone to surges.”

Andy and Angela discussing the workplace environment after the robbery –
Angela – “I never felt safe here”
Andy – “You’re always safe with me, I’m a very good screamer.”

Michael on his plans to raise money for his employees who lost items during the robbery –
“I’m calling it CRIME-AID. It’s like FARM-AID, but instead of farms fighting against AIDS, it is us fighting against our own poverty.”

and……

“Let’s have an auction, let’s do this, we’ll auction off people. Like in the olden days!”

Michael on crime statistics -
“It is not known how many office robberies occur every second, because there is no Wikipedia entry for office robbery statistics.”

Daryl on Michael's Springsteen knowledge -
“Mike gave me a list of his top 10 Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News, one was Tracy Chapman Fast Car, and my personal favorite – Short People.”

Will Ferrell returns to SNL

Will Ferrell came back to SNL on Thursday to reprise his role as W to give an endorsement to the McCain/Palin ticket!

The Return of Curb

It’s been nearly a year since the last new episode of HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, but fear not lads and lasses, Larry and crew will be returning. Someone close to the show told Variety that the show will return next season. A premier date has not been announced yet, but Jeff Garlin told John Stewart on the Daily Show last week that shooting would begin in December. Apparently, the delay in production has largely been because Larry has been teaming up with Woody Allen on the set of Whatever Works, Allen’s latest NY based film. Well, it might be sometime before season seven of Curb finally hits HBO, but it’s at least comforting to hear it’s definitely coming back.

New Watchmen Poster

I can't wait for this movie.

The Old Man and Wii Fit

Well, recently Thom and I were lucky enough to join the sensation of the Wii Fit. We each got one a couple of days ago, and while Thom's wife has been pretty much monopolizing his, I've been trying to rock mine daily.

This fucking thing! So, maybe I'm not in the best shape of my life, but come on, I'm 29 and not completely inactive. I walk my dog, and try to convince myself to work out about once or twice a month. I mean, I'm not Jon here.

When I first set it up, I was half a pound away from being overweight, at 169.5, and damnit if that didn't feel pretty good. I went through its calibrating thing then got straight into the workouts. I will say that most of the workouts are pretty fun and make you want to keep going. The trainers have super relaxing voices and lots of positive encouragement. Most of the workouts center on flexibility, balance and strength training. Some though seem purely based around calorie burning. It's fairly easy to do most of them, with short reps to start with, so it's easy to keep going. My first 30 min workout flew by. And it makes you want to keep going by opening up other workouts as you progress.

So when I got off work tonight, I was actually excited to throw the thing in and continue my buffification. Well guess what? I gained 6 fucking pounds since yesterday! The fuck? So now I'm fully overweight and my Wii avatar looks like Brando in Apocalypse Now! That's disheartening. I mean, I know I'm not the archetype for the Wii. I'm not some 13 year old Japanese girl, but damnit, give me a bit of a break. I mean I'm not fucking obese or anything. Thanks for making me feel bad for being a typical American.

So, is it fun? Yea, for the most part. It's nice to have working out disguised as a video game. That makes it easier for me to get my head into it. But is it kind of disheartening to be an only kind of out of shape guy in one of the most targeted demographics and get told by the thing what a fat fuck I am? You're god damn right it is. So if you want to get your shit in shape, is this the best way to do it? Well it's cheaper than a gym membership and when you're done you can jump on the Xbox and shoot the shit out of some people in a FPS. That's my preferred workout cool down anyway.

Fall Pick-Ups

The following are the first shows that have been officially picked up for a full season run.

Fringe (FOX)

Chuck (NBC)

Private Practice (ABC)

The Mentalist (CBS)

Terminator: TSCC (FOX)

90210 (CW)

and........


wait for it.........


Knight Rider (NBC) - Yes, that's right, the geniouses running the show over at the 4th place network have decided to let this festering piece of shit run out the whole season. The apparently don't have any new reality show garbage or game show crap to put on in its place. I gave this show every opportunity. I watched the 2 hour kick-off event back in Febuary, and watched the first 3 or 4 episodes this fall. It's easily the worst show on television. In one episode, the new driver of KITT is using a robot to shoot water guns at his coworkers. Oh well, at least they recognize the greatness that is Chuck. Although, I must admit - when watching Chuck, I frequently think that it's Jim Halpert from The Office engaging in the super-spy adventures.

In case you haven't seen the new Knight Rider....here's a preview of it's awfulness....yes, KITT really does ask Michael if he is a homosexual.

The Fresh Prince of....Canada

This is a video from Canadian rapper, Shad. Yes, I said Canadian rapper. Shad, along with the director of the video, Hot Dog Garbage, recreated the scenes from the intro to the 90's sitcom Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I loved that show. I love the name Hot Dog Garbage. I love hot dogs. I'm hungry.....watch this while I eat.

Friday the 13th TRAILER

Just last night Nick and I recorded out special Halloween podcast about slasher films (the podcast should drop this weekend, in plenty of time for Halloween). And as you can imagine a lot of time was spent on the Friday the 13th series of films. We both commented how we couldn't wait to see some footage from the remake. Then this drops today. And it looks fan-fucking-tastic! Hor-fucking-rific! Spe-fucking-tacular! Is that enough fucking adjectives for you? But then again, I am the intended audience for this (as I'm sure you'll deduce from listening to our Halloween podcast, that is unless you're some mongoloid, retard who was thought to have drown while a couple of randy camp counselors were bumping uglies, instead of watching you). But this trailer just feels right. When the music kicked in, I smiled. When the kid gets pulled under the floor, I smiled. When it showed Jason actually moving, my eyes widened and I instantly rewound the clip. This Jason moves. Fast. And it's scary as hell. The lumbering giant is gone. Looks like the film makers took a page from the Dawn of the Dead remake and put some spring in Jason's step. I can't wait to see more footage from this movie. And maybe a Hi-Def trailer? But for now this will do. So enjoy.

Sorry to get all political and stuff

Natalie Portman (who is super effing hot) has many strong political beliefs....

See more Natalie Portman videos at Funny or Die

Halloween Music Guide

Well, it's almost time for the greatest holiday ever! Halloween! Here at The Nothing Files we're doing our best to commerate our first Halloween with as much content as we can put out between the hangovers. In that line I got to thinking about one Halloween staple, the Halloween costume party. Now not only is this one of the best kinds of party ever, but it's also more than just an opportunity to see the girls you know dress, and concededly act, slutty, it's an opportunity to show off your music savvy and have the best fucking play list in town! How rueful will your friends be when you have the best and spookiest party mix in town? That's right, as another service to you, our dear fans; The Nothing Files is putting together our recommendations for a Halloween Party Play list. Now these don't necessarily need to be played in this order, I mean come on, you need some say in this too, and additions on your part are more than acceptable. These are just songs that we feel would benefit any Halloween party worth its clotted blood jell-o shots and clothing optional dress code. And if you're one of those that thinks a good Halloween party play list is your normal top 40 shit with "Thriller" thrown in every 6 songs, do us all a favor, go as a real ghost this Halloween and shoot yourself in the head. That said, let's do this thing.

Type O Negative – Black No. 1 (If there were ever a song written for Halloween this would be it)

Tiger Army – Rose of the Devils Garden (It's got Masumi Max in the video, good enough for me)

Apoptygma Berzerk – Burnin' Heretics (A good old fashioned witch hunt song)

The Electric Hellfire Club – Halloween Theme (It's not that easy to find these days, but Satan's favorite rockers do a great cover of the theme to Halloween)

Nine Inch Nails – Mr. Self-Destruct (Closer is played out, I even heard a mash up of it with 50 Cent's "Hey Shorty")

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – Red Right Hand (Ok, kind of played out, but just like Black No 1, a staple of the season)

Rob Zombie – Living Dead Girl (Admittedly most of his discography would hold up, I just like this one)

Social Distortion – Reach For The Sky (Cause if I'm at a party not playin' Social D, I'm not staying any longer than it takes me to steal the hosts booze and girlfriend)

Pig – Sinsation (It's a serial killer thriller, just for you!)

Slayer – Reign In Blood (Again most tracks would do. Let's not forget, this holiday is as much for the devil as it is for your kids)

Johnny Cash – The Mercy Seat (This is Cash covering Nick Cave, and as a sidebar, if there's a girl there that can dance to this song, do not leave without her number)

The Faint – Agent Suicide (That'll get the bones moving)

She Want's Revenge – Kidnap the Sandy Claws (A killer cover)

AC/DC – Highway to Hell (As a bonus, see how many beers you can slam during the song, then guess how many other people have done the exact same thing!)

Chemlab – Vera Blue (96/69) (A shout out to the guy who did show up as Jesus Christ Porno Star)

Dead Boys – Sonic Reducer (Yea, you're core)

INXS – Devil Inside (Try to dance with the girl in the devil costume to this one. You're welcome)

Bullets and Octane – Pirates (A great rock song, and a good handout to those still dressing up like pirates)

My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult – The Velvet Edge (Sleazy, loungy and dark)

Alkaline Trio – Lucrettia My Reflection (A great Sisters of Mercy Cover)

Gerard McMann – Cry Little Sister (You can be the guy who actually knows who played that song from The Lost Boys)

Flogging Molly – Queen Anne's Revenge (You're having this party to drink after all)

Michael Graves – Beware (If you play this song and the dead dance all around you…)

Edwyn Collins – A Girl Like You (I just don't hear enough of that song)

The Village People – YMCA (For those douche bags at every party that show up dressed like them. It'll be there only chance to be kind of cool all night)

The Amazing Crowns – Little Demon (Yea, you have the best party in town)

The Prodigy - Voodoo People (They haven't done much lately and they were pretty good, just be wary of 7 minute remixes)

C-Tec – Foetal (We're on the way to being Gods!)

Me First And The Gimmie Gimmies – Science Fiction Double Feature (Punks not dead? And that's as close as you should get to that fucking Time Warp)

Zeromancer – Dr. Online (Maybe Dr. Online can help you die)

Revolting Cocks – Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? (Possibly sleazier than the Rod Stewart original)

Michael Jackson – Thriller (Well, you do have to play it sometime)

James D. Stark – Halo (A great cover and dance song, and you get the
Depeche Mode out of the way for the art kids that showed up)

Propagandhi – Anti-Manifesto (It is an election year. Something for the suicidal punk girl that showed up as slutty Palin)

Dropkick Murphy's – The Dirty Glass (For the people you pissed of with Propagadhi)

Love Spit Love – How Soon Is Now (This would be a perfect time for that slow dance with the girl dressed like a slutty nun, since the devil girl has passed out)

The Misfits – Halloween (Obviously)

Wumpscut – Wreath of Barbs (That'll scare the shit out of 'em)

Portishead – Sour Times (To clear out the assholes who weren't scared off by Wumpscut)

Ok, well, I'm sure I'll think of some more as soon as I post this, but that's the fun
of Halloween. There's always room to make it better for next year. So have a rockin good time and remember to be on the lookout for the special The Nothing Files Halloween Slasher Special!!! And most importantly never forget, this ain't no costume, it's a way of life.

The Nothing Files 3 Is Live

That's right. Episode 3 is live. Special guest host Jon joins us as we talk about Peter Jackson's "Dead Alive," television, and the Juno soundtrack. And yep, you guessed it, we let our special guest host Jon make the music selection this week and as far as we know he's not a pederast. He just has the musical taste of one. So go to iTunes right away and download your very own copy of The Nothing Files Episode 3. And if you haven't already, SUBSCRIBE!! That way fresh episodes will be served to your iPod, piping hot, direct from The Nothing File's kitchens. Also tell your friends! And leave feedback! Especially for Jon. Thanks for your support.

Life on Mars Review

Now that I have your attention, let’s talk television. More specifically, new television. There are a few new shows that are currently in their first season that I’m watching. I’ll begin with ABC’s Life on Mars. It’s another in the line of American remakes of successful British shows. The original only lasted 2 seasons, a total of 16 episodes, although critically praised with great ratings. Perhaps across the sea, they know when to call it quits, unlike most good American dramas which tend to outstay their welcome.

Anyway, this new sci-fi cop serial drama stars Jason O’Mara as Detective Sam Tyler. The NYC detective is dating his partner Maya, played by Cosby Show alum Lisa Bonet. They open the series premier with an exciting chase where the detectives arrest a suspected serial killer. They have to let him go, but Maya decides to trail the suspect because they are all positive that this is their guy. Maya goes missing, evidence points towards the serial killer suspect. Sam goes on the chase….rocking out to David Bowie’s Life on Mars on his ipod….pulls over his car…..gets out….and gets leveled by a car while crossing the street. Some weird special effects happen, and Sam sits up, but not in the middle of the street….in the middle of a construction area. He hears the same Bowie song playing in a car, walks over to the car, an old Mustang and sees a Bowie 8-track in the dash. Then he looks around, and BAM it hits him…..he sees the twin towers in the distance.

Remember kids – always look both ways before crossing decades.

So, he’s awaken in the year 1973. Now he’s completely freaked out. He walks around the city, confused by everything around him. He finds his station house, and he’s apparently the new transfer from upstate. Everyone thinks he’s a nut, he goes on a bit of a rant about where all of his stuff is….”Where’s my computer!?!?” Another detective responds with “A computer, what like HAL, 2001 A Space Oddessy.” So, more of this stuff happens as he gets to meet his new coworkers. The main 2 other detectives in the precinct are played by Michael Imperioli (Sopranos) and Harvey Keitel (If you don’t know who Harvey is – go fuck yourself) . He also befriends a uniformed cop, Gretchen Mol (Rounders), who he tells his story to. She doesn’t believe him, but is more tolerant of his strange thoughts than most would be.

The first case he catches with the rest of the team is a serial killer. It’s the same MO as the serial killer he was tracking in 2008. They find the bad guy, the serial killer, and lock him up. He also finds the 1973 version of the serial killer from 2008 as a kid. He was a neighbor of the 1973 serial killer and idolized him. So, Sam figures out it was a whole copy cat thing. So he’s thinking if he can stop the kid then he can stop Denise Huxtable from being abducted in 2008. He drives up next to the kid, gun at his side, calls the kid over to the car………I’m thinking “AWESOME!!!!! Dude’s gonna shoot a 7 year old in the face at close range!!!!!” …..as he’s about to pop the kid, the car radio turns on and he hears Maya’s voice telling him that she is ok. So, he doesn’t kill the kid. Good beginning to the series……

So, I spent a ton of time on episode 1, but I think with this type of series the setup is very important. He begins to really try to figure out why he is where he is. Is he insane? Is he in a coma? Is it all just a dream? He also puts everything into his job. We begin to see more of Keitel and Imperioli’s characters. They beat the crap out of people. They have no concern for suspects at all. It’s great! Sam get pissed, but they just don’t stop. Keitel will drink out of his flask and then pummel a suspect. Sexism abounds – Keitel continuously bashes Mol’s character because she’s a female cop. Some weird stuff – Sam keeps seeing a little robot running around, and in reflections he sees 2008.

A promising start to this show. It’s well shot, well written, and well acted; but that doesn’t mean it will get an audience. ABC obviously has a lot of hope for the show, they put it in the coveted post Grey’s Anatomy slot. I don’t know if that helps it considerably, since it’s a totally different target audience than Grey’s. But what do I know, if I were a TV exec I wouldn’t have cancelled Arrested Development or Jericho! On a scale of Budweisers….1 being warm beer and 10 being ice cold delicious KOB…….I give it a 7 right out of the gate. Next up – My Own Worst Enemy, the new Christian Slater show on NBC.

Dog bless America, and may this inspire you.........

Deathdealer

I just finished watching a particularly good short film, Deathdealer: A Documentary. It's around a fifteen minute film from Andy Watts. Watts has worked camera or electrical on multiple films, including War Of The Worlds and From Dusk Till Dawn, however this is his only film to date that he has written and directed.

Deathdealer is a short, one camera film, shot in the style of a documentary, following a grim reaper. A man in a suit who's job it is to help people die when their time is up. The man in the suit, Vincent, is played by Henry Rollins. Rollins does a remarkable job filling the roll. None of his trademark anger and humor are evedent, just a sort of lonly man, seemingly stuck in a position that he laments. The movie is basically a long interview with Vincent in different settings, not just showing him on the job, but checking into cheap hotels and going to cafes. Vincent has a continuing tone about how he's not feeling the satisfaction in his job anymore, and would like to try something different out. He talks about the alienation he feels due to his position. It's summed up with a great line, "...I eventually have to kill every one I ever meet. Who's going to trust you when you have to do this? Who's going to love you?" The few deaths that are shown are done so in a very tastefull manner.

The only media source I can find for this film is thru iTunes, but it's only $1.99 to buy and $.99 to rent. There's no reason to not check out this movie. By far one of the best short films I've seen in a long time.

Too Good to Pass Up

Hi, this is Jon. I'm not Thom or Nick. What? Oh, that's ok, you're welcome. Well, my Nothing Files debut is in the post-production stage so I thought I would say hello on the interweb. I will be periodically posting thoughts and musings on television and other such nonsense such as TV and the "boob-tube." However, I came across this little gem and couldn't help myself from posting it. It sorta has to do with television in that Sarah Palin has provided some of the highest levels of unintentional comedy that we've seen in quite some time. Enjoy the offensiveness and dog bless America.

OVERKILL

Ok. Now we're done. Here's all the new images we could come across for you. Hope you enjoy them and all their Trekie goodness. So strap on a tricorder and put on those latex Spock ears you've got hidden in your closet and start watching the original series untill the movie drops next summer. You know if you're not the kid that can pick out the inconsistencies first, you're going to be looked down on...

New Star Trek Pics Part 2

Okay. Once more with feeling. Here's one of Spock looking creepy and choking some dude. The uniform looks retro but not lame. Nicely played, JJ. Nicely played.

First Images of Kirk and Spock From New Star Trek

Okay, admittedly it's not much but since there has been an almost complete media blackout on the new Star Trek film, not much equals huge. The next Entertainment Weekly gives us our first look at Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine as Spock and Kirk respectively. In costume. This is only the cover but I'm sure over the next day or so more images will be bombarding the web. My first impression? Not bad. I can see these two playing Kirk and Spock. I can also see these two doing keg stands at a Halloween fraternity party. So who knows? I think the trailer will tell us a bit more about what to expect from the next Star Trek but I do have faith in J.J. Abrahms. I mean Felicity, Alias... Felicity. How can we lose?

So This Monkey Walks Into a Bar...

Monkeys wearing pants. Hot towels. Beer. I'm sensing franchise.

Halo 3: Recon

New Halo game. New hero. New campaign. Yes, all the internet rumblings have been correct. There is indeed, a new Halo game on the horizon. But it will not focus on Master Chief, as Earth still believes he's dead even though he's really just floating out in space somewhere cybering with Cortana. And, um yeah... that was a spoiler. So Spoiler Alert and whatnot. Anyway, this video is pretty cool. So check out!

High-Five Hollywood

This is brilliant. Never fails to make me laugh. The world would be a much happier place if every man would rock a mustache like the dude in the blue tee shirt.

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed Review

Today I'd like to give my final thoughts on The Force Unleashed, henceforth known as TFU. Full disclosure, if you haven't noticed from the podcast or my previous posts, I'm a full-on, raging Star Wars nerd. So for me to review this game without my Lucas-Love bias is impossible. I'm not even going to try. So here goes. The game is drop dead, jaw dropping beautiful. I remember when I first purchased my Xbox 360 (Day 1... yeah I'm that guy), I wished there was a Star Wars 360 title to coincide with the launch. There wasn't. So I've been waiting a long time to get my next-gen Star Wars fix and in the graphics department, TFU does not disappoint. You travel to several worlds and each one is absolutely stunning. I often stopped just to look around and take in the worlds I had only read about. But what really knocked my dick in the dirt were the details. I mean, the details are what makes a world live and breathe and Lucasarts nailed it. There are remnants and wreckage from the Clone Wars strewn about, Wookie homes built into gigantic trees, tie fighters going on patrols, ash from fires floating in the air, there are just so many things to take in and appreciate. So many in fact that if you're a Star Wars fan, this game practically demands a second play through just to see what you've missed. My personal favorite detail of TFU happened on the fungi encrusted world of Felucia. I had just slain a rancor and glanced into the air. There was a large flying creature, roughly the size of a whale, soaring on the horizon. I stood and admired the creature for a couple seconds then trudged on. As I was making my way down a path, a large shadow fell over my character. I looked up and saw the creature flying over head. It had cast its shadow on the environments. Now this might seem like a small thing but this is exactly the kind of detail the game does over and over again. It really immerses you into its world. Speaking of details, be sure to admire all the hunting trophies in the Imperial Admiral's domicile on Kashyyyk. There's a certain character from the prequels who's frozen in carbonite. It certainly made me laugh. Mesa sures yous can guessin whos I talkin about.

And speaking of prequels, I enjoyed the story in TFU better then the story in the prequels. Now I'm not a prequel hater, I actually do enjoy those movies. But I just like the "world has gone to hell" feel of episode 4-6. This game is definitely much closer to episode 4 then it is to episode 3 and it pulls the overall feeling of oppression superbly. The story follows Darth Vader's secret apprentice and involves the birth of the rebellion. You see familiar faces from both trilogies and there are many "Oh shit" moments, which the Star Wars movies used to be known for. I really don't want to give too much away here, that's what the podcast is for (and believe me spoilers drop over there like "you betchas" from Sarah Palin's lip-sticked maw). But if you're a Star Wars fan, I implore you to seek out this story. Even if you're not a gamer, there are other options. There is a novel and a graphic novel. This tale is that good. Seek it out.

As far as the gameplay, it's mostly brillant. You use the force the way you want to use the force. Period. It's big. It's bad. It's often times messy. And it's a whole hell of a lot of fun. Basically this is a hack and slash game that ends every level with a big boss battle. So no, TFU does not reinvent the wheel. Are there problems? Oh hell yes. Lots of them. There are glitches, horrible camera angles, counter intuitive level design, you name them, TFU has them. There is nothing worse then having the big boss battle be incredibly tough, not because of the boss difficulty but because of the camera angle. And this games does this... at least three times. But nothing wipes away the memories of bad boss battles like force gripping a stormtrooper, force lightening him, and then hurling him into his buddies to explode like a human bomb. You can do that. Seriously. There are so many combos and force powers that you never run out of "Heh, that was cool" moments. So all in all, The Force Unleashed is fun. It's far from a masterpiece and I guarantee that it's not going to get "Game of the Year" from anybody (except maybe Nick) but I bet when all the Left For Dead's and The Braid's have been played and put away, TFU is the game you'll be returning to again and again. Just to get that one last "Bad Day Shift Manager" achievement or to force push that battalion of Wookies off that rope bridge one more time.

The Nothing Files Episode 2 is Out

Hi guys. Thom here. Yes you read the subject line correctly. The Nothing Files Episode 2 has dropped on iTunes. It's a hour and a half of good times to be had by all. And yes, I left The Force Unleashed part in. Since we reference the game every 30 seconds it just felt wrong to leave it on the cutting room floor. So tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell your freminies, that happy times are here again. And if you haven't already, subscribe! That way steaming piles of The Nothing Files will be dumped onto your MP3 player without you having to do squat. Also write a review and rate it! And thank you to "Jedi Soze" and "ToddIsGay" who both gave us five star ratings and wrote great reviews. We hope you enjoy Episode 2 and be on the lookout in the near future for details regarding episode 3.

Sweet Little Dreams My Darling

I'm cranking out reviews like you give a shit! It's time for a fucking balls out rock and roll album. Todays album will rock your lame ass and kick your dick in. Bullets and Octane's The Revelry. The first full album recorded by the boys from St. Louis released in 2004, and has been followed by In The Mouth Of The Young (featuring album cover model Virginia Sandman), and Song for the Underdog. The latter two are great as well, but this is there breakout album, and it rocks like so few albums do these days.

This album starts hard and strong and doesn't let up until the last guitar riff. These guys who have relocated to Southern California play punk-out-with-your-junk-out rock. Starting with the most famous song on the album, Save My Sorrow, a track that wrestling fans might recall from a WrestleMania 22 video montage, starts in with a sirens wail then rips into hard and fast guitar, setting the tone for their signature hooks-for-days beats. It's a counsumate get stuck in your head rock track. The second track on the album doesn't let up. Sweet Dreams couldn't have less to do with the erie Eurythmics track of the same name, it's textbook rock. And how can I not bring up Pirates? Easily the catchiest track on the whole disk. It's a sing-a-long romp that could start a mosh pit at the vatican. What the fuck more do you need than that? Ok, maybe if I could listen to this song while getting a blow job driving the Pacific Coast Highway in a '68 Charger SS, but then I'd just have to OD afterward because little in life could top that.

All said, this is one of the best rock and roll records that I've heard in years. It has it all. And Bullets and Octane have played with Social Distortion, Flogging Molly, Bad Religion and Stone Sour, some of my favorite bands of all time. You don't need much more rock cred than that. You can check them out at www.myspace.com/bulletsandoctane. Do that, then buy all their CDs. You'll thank me after the hangover.

It Rubs The Lotion On It's Skin

This clip is from The Greenskeepers out of Chicago and is called quite simply "Lotion". The song and video are fantastic. Kind of 80's emo as done by Buffalo Bill. Dark yet danceable and extremely funny. Enjoy.

Fortress of Solitude Review

Time for another album review. This is for another of my favorite albums ever. James D. Stark's Fortress of Solitude.

Stark, a classically trained piano player, started his solo musical career with the album Transcendence. A non-lyrical album of soundscapes. From there Stark evolved his sound into a more darkwave/romantic synthpop sound, adding lyrics, and opening himself up to a more accessible live show. Fortress of Solitude is the first album he recorded with him on vocals. Originaly hailing from the midwest, Stark now resides in the rose city of Portland, Oregon. He has played shows with genre mainstays Bella Morte, Hungry Lucy, Voltaire, Assemblage 23, and The Birthday Massacre.

Fortress of Solitude sets the tone immediately with the only stand alone single released from the album, Dying Beauty. A dark love song sang in a forlorn lament. As a single this song was treated to remixes by Martin Atkins, Assemblage 23 and others. The album moves fluidly across it's track listing, ending in the song King. King is a departure from the rest of the album, in that it is recorded in a troubadour fashion. A very whimsical track that even though musically it stands alone from the album, it seems to still round out the album experience. Rather than taking you away from the album, it is the perfect finish to an album that is more based on the themes of love and loss than of genre. It is also to note that Stark recorded that track, both piano and vocals, in one continuous take.

There are other standouts in the album as well. The track Tears in the Dark could light up most any dancefloor in the civilized world. It's dark moody vocals paired with the driving, industrial style beat bring down the house. And one would be remiss to not mention Stark's cover of Depeche Mode's Halo, a highlight of his live shows. While most covers move to either extreme, too close to the original or so distictly reworked they seem a pail facsimile of the original, Stark's Halo is close enough to be remincent of the orginal, but has very much been made his own.

The biggest standout of the album is Stark's voice. It's rare to hear vocalists that can really sing these days. And I mean really sing. It's amazing to hear the album, then to see him perform live and to become aware that his voice isn't studio magic, or overproduced on the records. He actually sings like that. How many artists out there can claim that?

I know it's another darker themed album I'm talking about this time, but with the fall coming and Halloween fast approaching, this would be the perfect album to play at your parties. Beautiful and dark enough to allow for introspection, but with a beat it's hard to not dance to. James has also released a new album Music of the Night, as well as a single for that albums Hell and a remix disk of that album Moonstruck. You can check out all things James D. Stark at www.jamesdstark.com. Every album James has released has been self produced and recorded. It's nice to see a fully independent artist releasing the quality of product that he does. Never cutting corners and always delivering.

So check out James D. Stark. If you're not into it. There's probably something wrong with you.

Look for the next Nothing Files early next week. Untill then, keep rocking!

Stuntman Mike's Helpful Hints

Hello everyone. Thom here. Today I would like to introduce a new contributor to The Nothing Files, Stuntman Mike. Basically, he's going to have a helpful hint column that will pop up from time to time. How consistently? Well knowing Stuntman Mike, probably not very. But he'll be here when he's not terrorizing our nation's highways. So without further adieu, let's welcome Stuntman Mike to The Nothing Files.

Hello ladies and gentlemen. And ladies. Welcome to my first column on The Nothing Files. When Nick and Thom asked me to be a contributer, I was a bit hesitant at first. I mean, I don't want to give away all my secrets, right? A man has to have a bit of mystery. But giving away the recipe doesn't necessarily mean you'll be able to mix the cocktail. I figured I had mojo to spare and dropping a helpful hint here and there couldn't really hurt me karmically, because the Lord and the Baby Jesus knows I need it. So here goes.

My first tip is on how to manage your digital data. What? You'd think this just be about the cars and the ladies? I'm a 21st century man, baby. I defy expectations. So anyway, all of you readers probably have bits of digital data that's hard to keep straight. Be it playlists on your iPod, Call of Duty 4 characters, whatever. So you can call your playlists something limp-dicked like "chill,"  "mellow"" or "party" and your characters something lame like "sniper" or "AK" or you can do what I do. I name all my bits of data after James Bond actors. I mean, what sounds better, "Throw on the mellow playlist" or "Throw on Sean Connery"? E-fucking-xactly. It's much more fun to be killing motherfuckers with Roger Moore then it is to be killing them with a generically named sniper. And as an added bonus you can keep track of the better bits of data by tying them into your favorite Bond actors. Now I don't want to get into a whole, "Who's the best Bond" debate. But let's just say, if you see anything marked "Sean Connery" on my iPod  or Xbox, you can bet your ass that it'll be a whole fucking lot more worthwhile then the shit labeled Pierce Bronsan. Anyway, hope this helps. Until next time, keep the rubber on the road.

The Young Dick Grayson Chronicles...um, what?

Coming soon to a small screen near you! The Dick Grayson Chronicles! Apparently this gem is supposed to take the place of Smallville, which is still trudging along into it's eighth season. Basically the whole concept behind this new series is exploring who Robin was before he was Robin. Um... yeah. Wasn't he just an acrobat? I'm sure they'll ret-con his whole backstory to say that Dick Grayson was a crime fighter before he ever met Batman. Which sounds kind of lame. The Dick Grayson story I'd like to see is who he was after he was Robin, which is Nightwing. Nightwing is like a grittier version of Batman but more about the thrilling heroics and the ass kickery and less about the brooding and the mommy issues. So basically it'd be like a really funky Batman movie week after week, which would be way cooler then the wacky adventures of crime fighting acrobats. Fucking yawn. Apparently the Smallville showrunners Kelly Souders and Brian Peterson (who do not inspire confidence) are teaming with McG (who actually kind of does inspire confidence as he produces the best show no one watches, "Supernatural") to produce this steaming pile of episodic pap. Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale have unequivocally stated that Robin would not be showing up in the new Batman franchise. They obviously understand what the CW doesn't. Robin sucks. Did you see that thing after that last sentence? That was a period. As in Robin sucks period. As in no good. As in lame. As in crapola.  But maybe when they cancel it they'll have the Joker beat him to death with a crowbar (and yes, I know that was Jason Todd... so don't email me).

Where The Wild Roses Grow

So here's the video that's mentioned in the previous blog. Great video for a great song. Videos used to be actually art. This gave me a whole new appreciation for Kiley Minogue. Enjoy.